The story of L

The sexual progress of society - Part 1

2011-03-10T08:14:00.000Z

The laws that have been passed, tracing back to the days of the original Obscene Publications Act, have sought to protect the morality of society. To prevent the dissemination of material which could deprave or corrupt peoples minds. Unfortunately, it has failed.

It failed for a number of reasons. Chief among them is that no one knows what material is likely to deprave or corrupt. There is no actual solid test. This is why I opposed the violent pornography section of the CJ&I bill in 2009; in terms of legislation, it was an absolute disgrace. Not that officialdom were concerned, though. You only need to see the prosecution record of this legislation since it was passed to see how much of a joke it has become.

But what of societies morality? Well, you only need to see the 2010 presentation of "Dogging" by Fascinating Aida. The audience, quite a large one, was laughing quite heartily at this rendition.

Long story short, people know what they like and don't generally appreciate government sticking its nose in. So long as it isn't in peoples faces, they're mostly all right with things of a sexual nature. Live and let live seems to be the tone of the majority these days. The British public are a tolerant bunch and appreciate choice and freedom; the danger comes from the vocal minorities who wish to impose their own morals on everybody else.

Among those minorities are the Police. A vastly hypocritical official body, they are willing to use any form of argument that they can, when it suits them.

Take a person who undertakes violence in society. The person is responsible for their actions and it is treated as such. No one except for those calling for the banishment of violent material would even think to bring to the fore the amount of violent films and material that was in the offender's home DVD collection. The police certainly wouldn't because violence is a part of their training and they understand it very well.

When it comes to sexual material, however, then things change. Suddenly the amount and quantity of material in the offenders home becomes an integral part of the case against the offender and the police are calling for it to be banned. Quite frankly, it is a hypocritical stance on behalf of the police who, quite honestly are actually predisposed to NOT understanding sexual material. In fact, any overt connection to such activities is likely to lead to rejection to membership of the force in the first place; so it is no surprise to find that the Police have such an attitude. There is no one among their ranks with any experience of the wider aspect of sexual material.

The most common contact that the police have with such material is the gross and hateful material depicting child abuse; so it is understandable not only why the police don't have an understanding of sexual material, but they are violently opposed to it. It is a position born as a result of their exposure to the most hateful forms of material coupled with the recruitment tenancy to filter out people with anything less than a glowing halo above their heads.

So it is easy to see why the position of the police is so at odds with society as a whole. When it comes to the majority of sexual material, they not only haven't got a clue, but they are actually resistant to wanting to understand it in the first place.

Serving Master Charles - Part 1

2011-02-23T22:39:00.002Z

In North West Wales was a cottage in a small hill side village. Made up of three small slate miners huts merged together. The actual layout of the building was thus, to put it politely, a little quirky.

It had suffered from an unfortunate fire which had upset the slate flooring and thus broken the waterproofing. This meant it wasn't the driest of buildings any more. Damp was also creeping up the back walls. It was not in the best of health.

It was the home of Master Charles.

I was relatively late to the scene. He already had another slave, Ram, serving him. i was thus lower down a pecking order. There was also a considerable amount of scene activity there. A romantic at heart, Charles had mellowed from a life of being a professional, chain smoking workaholic, to a relaxed person who wanted to do something to bring other peoples dreams to life. It did not do to forget, however, than behind the charismatic face which was partially blind and partially hearing, was a sharp mind which did not shy from mischief; but was balanced by a generous heart.

Initially, i contacted Him by telephone and letter. His decision of taking on a transsexual for training was, initially, a no. However, it was only a matter of time before there was an event held at his home and i was invited through a mutual friend. So it was that i spent a time there and He accepted me.

It wasn't a straight forward acceptance, though. There were a few rituals to go through and time taken over decisions.

I was put through a series of tests. One of which was trust. Ram took a number of things, including a needle in the breast. With the implants, i couldn't take such a needle and Charles knew this. He ordered me to close my eyes, a needle in his hand. I felt pressure on one breast, but i held myself from panicing. Sure enough, it wasn't a needle i had been touched with. This was a test i saw at least one other person go through, and fail dismally.

An old post

2011-02-20T07:37:00.002Z

While taking advantage of this downtime in my life, I decided to go through some old files that were taking up hard disk space (I tell you, when you've got 4TB of raid 5 hard drive space and you're scratching around for space ... it starts to numb the mind.) and I found this gem.

It was from someone with the handle The_ICM, commenting on an on-line conversation that was being had some years ago. It speaks for itself...

Having just come back indoors from doing the extremely normal things that some of our more bigotted commentators seem to think bdsm paractioners don't do, I have browsed through the messages since my previous post.

I have made a few none too surprising observations.

Overall the most salient and erudite comments appear to be coming from those who are involved in some way with the S&M lifestyle.

Overall the more slopeforeheaded, pig ignorant and banal rantings seem to come from the "You're all a bunch of pervs and need kneecapping" anti-bdsm brigade.

Now I wasn't gong to pass this observation previously though I now feel it's as good a time as any.

In my experience of the scene I have found that overall it seems to attract a level of higher educated people than many other 'lifestyles'.

Most in my experience hold down good, regular and responsible jobs as well.

As one of the other commentators mentioned earlier - we (the S&M-ers)are all around you.
We do the same jobs as the rest of the world.
We don't glow orange in the dark nor turn into dust at the break of day.
You don't know we're there but, trust me, next time you're on the bus or train then I'd bet there is someone who plays, even if only at home with their partner, sitting a mere seat or two away from you.

Freedoms have failed us

2010-11-28T07:10:00.001Z

The censorship nuts are at it again. They are after Ed Vaizey and the Internet this time Part one and two of my responses are here.

However I decided to put point three here. Part of this is down to religion and the forced submission of women; which is happening in the UK and on our watch. It is here because I have a choice to be "i" and i've exercised that choice. But only from my education about the situation and my understanding. I have made a FREE choice. That is what freedom is about.

But here is part three...

Dear Mr Vaizey,

Apologies to give yet more information to the process, but there is a wider issue which needs to be examined, of which pornography and, indeed, the Internet is a part. If you manage to find an answer to this one, I'd be grateful.

For some considerable years, various agencies have fought for individual freedom. The fights have been for equality, for choice, for everyone to have the vote, and these principles are now enshrined in law and are slowly filtering through our culture; the breaking of glass ceilings in business, etc.

We have religions and cultures operating within our borders which seem to have exception to these laws. Looking a the official structure of all the religions, they aren't exactly an equal opportunities employer. They are still practising discriminations and sexist attitudes that society has not only left behind, but legislated against.

Some time ago I saw in the town in which I live, (a long time Conservative held town) a man and a woman. Their manner of dress determined them to be of Eastern beliefs, most likely somewhere in the Indian area. She was walking roughly five steps behind him and maintained that distance. Her head was bowed. The lack of other people and both the similarity and unusualness of their dress put the chances that they were together, as very high indeed.

I thought to myself, "that culture has paired these two people together. That woman hasn't had a choice on who she marries. Our freedoms, our laws, our protection has completely failed her. She has been resigned to a life of second fiddle and subservience to another from the very day she was born. And all this is happening on our soil and on our watch."

This is where I believe religion and the ability for people of various cultures to not only dictate what classes their children can attend, but also for their ability to set up faith schools and controls the curriculum, enables the next generation to be programmed the way that they wish and that these people don't know about the full range of events and laws of our country.

I have heard reports of women in some areas being denied their vote; their husbands forcing them to sign the blank form and then ticking as they will rather than their wives having their free choice. I don't know what has been done about this.

We have generations being brought up, who will hold a British passport and not even realise what it means to be British; about the values that this country was built on and what it represents.

To examine this further, if you talk to extreme systems like an ex-scientologist, they will recount to you how they were taught to disbelieve anything and everything that reaches them from outside their organisation. They are taught to not watch TV, use software on their computers that filters out the Internet, the whole nine yards.

If you saw the Panorama program earlier this year, then the teachings of the extremist, Saudi sponsored schools that are operating, do likewise. Their women are taught not to watch TV.

Information is freedom, Mr Vaizey.

The women who protested that women who enter the professions of posing for men's magazines, failed in their goals. Despite the protests, the sit outs in front of newsagents and the criminal damage they caused, society went forward. Now, we have equality with men posing for women's magazines as well.

As to the question of is it right, there is the eternal question that no one has answered. What is the need of society, what is happening within society that has needed pornography, the services of prostitution, etc. for so long. What is it about society that needs this material.

Pornography, etc., has endured for so long and is such a strong business that like any business, it would not survive if there was no demand. So what is it about society that is being served by this industry? It is world wide, not simply a British issue.

There was an important question which I felt was missing from the REA that was presented to the House in support of the Justice and Immigration Bill...

What will be the effect on society if we remove pornography?

Those with the moral high ground are vehement in their desire to kill pornography in our society. However, they can not answer that question either. Simply by killing the service, that does not silence the need. To kill a weed, you must understand the root and have a solution to its determined existence.

Overall, however, I believe a good portion of this comes down to sex education in our schools. Some mothers are so ineffective at passing on such knowledge that they fail to tell their daughters about periods so that when children reach this point in their lives, they thing something is seriously wrong and panic.

I don't care what religion a child is from. I don't care what culture the family is. Every child should be taught the fundamentals about their own body and no one should allow a child to skip this very personal and important subject. Our shame in sex should be put at an end.

It is only once someone is armed with information, that they can make a choice; so when they do follow a path of celibacy for whatever reason, they are fully aware of what this means for them and can understand the emotion behind the sacrifice they have chosen to make.

Our generation has seen things go the wrong way. Parents wrapping their children in emotional bubble wrap, prohibiting them from activities which would put them at risk and give them all they ask for. The result of our creation, children who can't integrate with society, hold down a job, etc. is now upon us.

We must understand the motives of the people who would wish to ban pornography from the Internet. It must not be allowed for them to do this on the back of personal or religious belief. They must present fully reasoned and researched material to the process.

If their presentations pass muster, then proper, impartial and properly resourced undertakings should be begun which will analyse the likely impact on our society, should their wishes be granted.

For example, men who look after disabled wives, drained by that experience and feeling unsupported ... what are the chances that a human exposed to such demands for a long time, would actually turn to rape?

What will be the effect on disabled men or women who use these materials to satisfy the natural cravings within us all?

If priests need support to live a celibate life, then why should the rest of society be exempt from such support?

This piece, written by someone who trained to be a priest more than thirty years ago, presents the situation well. http://bit.ly/ePiX9W - "If I had known then what I know now about the loneliness of the celibate life, I would never have chosen the priesthood."

If we are to ban pornography, we take away from them the only support that they have in this area.

If we do ban pornography ... we had better put some VERY serious research in to what we are doing.

Yours sincerely,

An AFP competition

2010-07-24T12:42:00.000+01:00

Over on The Shadow Box which is the forum for The Dresden Dolls, Amanda Fucking Palmer, etc. they ran this competition.

I'm posting this here because people who come to this blog can expect the unexpected and the boundaries to be pushed; so there is no excuse for complaining.

Eight pictures were put up and they wanted people to pick one and write a sub-500 word story. The competition closing date has well gone, so I decided to pick a picture and have a go. This is the picture I chose to write about...

...and this is what I wrote...

Gurtrude Mooster and AnnaBelle Udderton were two normal, everyday urbanite cows, shopping together in their local supermarket. Stood at the meat counter they were discussing the poor quality of human on offer these days.

“Well, personally I don't think that the packaged thigh slices are that bad.” said Gurtrude.

“Aw, but you haven't tasted ANYTHING until you've had diced triceps.” enthused AnnaBelle. “I mean, look at these specially weight trained specimens. So low in fat and pumped full of ...”

“Steroids.” Gurtrude interjected. “Packed full of steroids to make them more meaty. There's no way I'm paying fifteen cow bells per pound to eat a load of chemicals.”

“Well, you've got a point but … they make me want to drool.”

“You drool all the time. You know, ever since you went in for that udder enhancement I'm sure you're not quite the same.”

“It is all the rage these days. Makes the bulls go weak at the knees.”

“Yeh, but look at those scars. I told you not to go to Tully's Farm to get them done. Right load of animal butchers that lot.”

“Look, on the amount I earn as a milk seller, I can't afford Aberdeen Angus' place. Apart from which the bagpipe background music makes me want to moo myself silly.”

“Look, this is all fine, but what the hell are we going to do for dinner?"

AnnaBelle looks in her purse. “Well, we haven't got much choice as it looks like I've left my credit card in the barn. We could always just go to the discount aisle and pick up one of those cheap battered prostitutes.”

“You're kidding. I know we're short of cash but you never know where those things have been. They're not humanely killed, either. They just make a male human pimp wild and let him loose with a metal baseball bat.”

“Yeh but they're only ten cowbells for the whole carcass and they stew well. Plus they've already been tenderised in to the bargain and they're made in America! Well, it's either that or the unbranded tramps in the freezer section.”

“Thats a rip off as well. The price they want and the meat isn't worth picking off the bones. Have you tried de-skinning one of them? It's a nightmare trying to get the woollen coat off the skin.”

“Ok, I'm sold. Let's get a prostitute.”

Being in agreement, the two wander over to the discount aisle, load a battered prostitute in to their shopping cart and leave. Gurtrude takes the meat home to start cooking while AnnaBelle stops by a beauty parlour to get her hoofs done.

Master P

2010-03-13T20:43:00.021Z

How do you describe a man who, on the outside, has so many contradicting factors? There is only one way that i know of; and that is to describe the inside. Inventive, adventurous, generous, caring but also keeping that edge of mystery. His time on many occasions, wasn't His own. Although He has changed things now, back then He had managed to fill His life completely. Outside the 9 to 5, He works in the field of music and has an energetic love of what He does.

He is also caring to a degree that i have rarely found in men outside the BDSM arena. At that time i was stressed from the moving around and the chaos that my life was in. Before i was owned by Master Charles, Master P took me to His water bed, tied me to it spreadeagled and gagged me, ready to play. True to form, the bondage relaxed me so that in very short order, i fell sound asleep. Master P's reaction was not to rouse me, but carefully untie me, remove the gag and gently move me so that He could get in to bed also!

There were a number of occasions when i suffered precious pleasure at that Master's hands, and i will always remember some of those times with great affection.

With Master Charles' permission, i later gave Master P the only gift of any meaning that was mine to give; my second virginity. He was the first man to have intercourse with me since my surgery.

It is only on very rare occasion that i get to see Master P these days. With events and financial situations, i don't travel the roads like i used to do; but when i do pass His way, i try the impossible task of merging my travel times with His schedule. It doesn't always work, and that saddens me.

Continuing again

2010-03-10T20:37:00.000Z

So i was in Derby and linked up with a few potential Masters. One of them was Master P. i played with Him on an occasion and He offered to help. At that time i was taken on by an international computer company, issued with a company car and looked after clients in a fairly wide area.

i don't think i quite fitted Master P's ideas, and His world was already quite full. i had also started correspondence with Master Charles. it was an awkward time indeed as Master P had invited me to stay in His home while i got things sorted out.

Master Charles was an experienced Master in North West Wales; respected by quite a number of people. Although Master Charles was an advanced age Himself, He was also in touch with many other people including Master Eddie, the oldest Dominant i have ever met (but that was to come later.)

So it was that the awkward situation came to a decisive conclusion. i was to serve Master Charles. Master P, however, was gracious and considerate well beyond a fault. While i was still settling in to my duties with Master Charles, it was Master P who put up a cool thousand pounds to enable me to rent a place of my own in the small town next to him ... with my job, i had to stay in that area.

i remained in contact with Master P; socially of course. i also managed to pay Him back eventually; but only the money side of things, as i don't think i could ever repay His kindness. So He was still around even while i learned to serve Master Charles.

The USA doesn't like masterbation!

2010-02-27T22:20:00.004Z

I happened to be listening to my most favourite Saturday night Internet show, Drunk Punk on Scooter Forums Radio ... and he launched a competition ... for listeners to win a David Bowies Greatest CD ... by submitting an account of their greatest stealth masterbation/orgasms. - ie. accounts of where people had taken their fate in one hand and risked being publicly uncovered for their crimes of pleasure.

Several US listeners immediately stopped listening to the station!

Oh dear.

UPDATE: ALL his US listeners disconnected! Whoops!

The Ring

2010-02-14T20:53:00.000Z

There are occasions still, not only when bad things are happening but also in the good times, when i feel the lack of a ring on my little finger.

The ring of O was a sign of being owned; the lack of a ring has haunted me for a while now. The feeling of the lack of a ring is, in those moments, more powerful than the feeling of the presence of a ring ... if you know what i mean.

It means the lack of someone close, who as well as being there to catch my fall in the bad times, will not be there to share the pleasure and happiness of the small victories in life.

Sometimes, when these moments happen, it can move me to tears.

The one thing i do know, however, is that the absence of a ring is preferable to that of a mismatched owner. i must bide my time and carry on as best i can, until time puts me in the right place, with the right people, at the right moment.

There are those times of reflection when i believe i am so lucky to have served the Masters that i have ... that i do not deserve any further success. However, Master Charles' words ... the last he spoke to me on the 'phone, ring in my mind.

"Take care, L."
"i will, Master."
"No. I mean; take care."
"Yes, Master."

At that point, i never had the faintest idea that i would never hear His voice again.

Erin Pizzey speaks on domestic violence

2010-02-02T07:37:00.000Z

"We are going to look back on this century and the beginning of this as the dark ages in human relationships. We are going to look back at the desperate damage done between men and women. We are going to look back at a whole generation of forty something women who will never be married and will never have children. I see them all the time. Why should men marry when the likely outcome for him is that he will lose everything and above all he will lose his children."

i know that this is not all of Erin's message, but i think it is one of the most important parts. What she says is true even within the context of BDSM relationships. There are violent women every bit as there are violent men. In fact, women are probably the most adept at the kind of verbal violence that leaves no bruises but can scar minds more effectively than any surgeons knife. Erin does remark on the statistic of the two women killed every week by violent partners, but also inserts the statistic of three men who commit suicide; and you have to wonder why.

There are women out there who are more dangerous than any man, and until our courts address the balance between mental and physical cruelty, the situation will continue to be taken advantage of by the manipulators. Below is twenty minutes of Erin's message, but although it starts off a bit slow, i found it very worth the watch.

OPA news

2009-12-30T23:32:00.000Z

Well, it happened. Received from the CPS...

The CPS has concluded the review of the guidance on the Obscene Publications Act. The guidance is shortly to be published on our website at http://www.cps.gov.uk/ and I will arrange for a copy to be sent to you once that is done.

So, keep an eye out for the guidance changes. I don't know what the review concluded, but it will be an interesting read and will tell us a lot about the CPS and their current view of society.

What a load of Ed Balls.

2009-12-13T09:49:00.001Z

The bloke is of the rails. I've just seen him on the Andrew Marr show this morning and my blood is boiling.

All this thing about keeping children safe from predators is going completely the wrong way and is critically flawed; and the guy can't admit that he has screwed it up.

At the heart of it, unfortunately, is societies complete, total and utterly pathetic system of double standards. Sex is human nature. The drives we have are human nature. I argue that it is also the case that the more intelligent people; the ones you want your little darlings to be learning from; are the ones who are the most likely to want more stimulation than the missionary position with the lights off. And these are the people with much to give the next generation.

If you start getting the pitchfork mob to chase all the, "perverts," out of town then you're going to be left with very few people who have the intellectual energy to teach the next generation.

That is the prime argument for putting a leash on the finger pointers. Start going after everyone, and you're going to screw the system.

Case in point, I was at a BDSM party and one of the guests was the head of a school. That person had turned the place around from a low grade, under achieving school and had put the spark back in the institution; really turned it around and done the area proud.

At the time I was also unemployed. We were chatting together about the situation and that there was an IT post coming up at the school. I had to refuse the chance to put myself forward for selection. The head knew me; knew my IT capabilities and knew that I would be no threat to the children and had a passion for passing on my knowledge. They wanted to know why I wouldn't apply. It was actually straightforward. I asked them to look at their own lives, consider that despite all that they had done for their school and the community, that if there was even a whiff of what they were doing at that party, that the uneducated biggots would be at the school gates screaming for blood.

It was agreed that there was no way I could spend my life like theirs; forever looking over the shoulder just waiting for someone to point the finger. Years of good works and betterment brought to many peoples lives and futures are nothing when weighed against one ounce of social wrong.

To the second point with the bill; for an abuser there is always a first time and there is no way that police checks can detect and stop these people. In fact, I know of no one in the BDSM world of which I have been a part, who has any inclination towards harming children; many have kids of their own and wouldn't harm a hair on their heads.

When you consider the number of abuses that were endemic in religious organisations and homes throughout the country, it should make people stand back and conclude that maybe the perverts are actually the safest people to have in trusted positions. At least they know what their triggers are and how to control themselves. Of all the cases that have come to light, I have never heard of a child abuser who has had links to kinky activities; and lets face it, if they did then it would be one of the first things out of the mouths of any sensationalist media outlet.

But since when did sanity and logical discussion hold any form of sway in this backwards population of ours?

Valuing freedom

2009-11-12T16:52:00.000Z

So i haven't posted on here for a while. i'll admit, the journey has stalled quite badly.

Things have changed and i have re-evaluated my position. i now have things to protect. Mum for one; the house for another as it represents the final worth of this arm of the family. i have to defend it. To be honest, the Masters i have served would not have interfeared with this arrangement and when i was living on my own and renting, i never felt this kind of defensive stance before.

But for some reason, i feel it now and it is part of what is preventing me from seeking another Master. For some reason, while Mum is alive, i don't want to take risks.

There is much thinking to be done. i have begun to value my freedom even though i still do not value myself.

This all feels very awkward.

The continuation

2009-08-31T18:48:00.000+01:00

Now ... where was I? Ah yes, about six weeks ago. My time flies.

J and i had left Sheffield. We were in Folkestone at the time and managed to get our own place. i, however, was down hearted. i needed dominating; i needed to be played with; only from an emotional angle that J couldn't fullfil. i ended up with Master Mike. He had left His girlfriend and had ideas. The Internet is how the connection was made. Him in the Derby area, a good few hundred miles away from me.

After some chatting on line for a while, He came to us. The chat started well and discussions were going smoothly. Something was clicking in to place. Suddenly, without warning, Mike pointed at His feet and i automatically complied, sitting at His feet. It just felt right. i can't really explain how it felt, it was as if Mike had engendered such trust in me, talked so much sense and had hit the nails squarly on the head. He had the right attitude, used the right words and i didn't detect anything dishonest about Him. The only bad point was that during the conversation i expressed my dislike of Mercedes and ... as i found out when it came time to say goodbye, that He had come down in His Mercedes. Oops.

J set some ground rules and i then spent various weekends with Him. It was a glorious nine months-ish for me. Mike was firm but caring and had such an inventive mind and positive personality that the relationship, short as it was, sang. We went places, did things and had a wonderful time together, even to me appearing on TV as a pony, being filmed at one of the Sex Maniacs Balls ... but i noticed that He wasn't logging on to the web cam as often, and He wasn't reading the diaries any more. His girlfriend had come back and they had smoked the peace pipe.

There was no IT work in the Folkestone area so Mike had offered me to use His place as a base to be able to widen my chances of finding something ... and i did ... in Derby. It was also at this time that my relationship with J had fallen apart. So there was i, with no relationship, no home and now no Master as i met Him in a layby with His car full of His gear as He moved out of the area ... and He spoke the words that decollared me. i fell to pieces in that layby and cried my heart to sleep.

i don't know how long i was there for; don't ask. i had to focus on picking up the pieces of my life which had, once more, shattered completely. i used the cheapest bed and breakfast i could find and started a search again. Eventually, another kind hearted Master came to my rescue although i was never collared by Him.

From such a high to such a low was an earth shattering experience. Fortunately, life had already dealt me a number of hands which had seen me being left in quite some nasty situations and i had dragged myself up by my bootstraps many times before. Once the pain was quietly in its little bottle with the cork securely in place, it became just another fight to rebuild the shattered pieces.

Making life better

2009-06-17T19:20:00.000+01:00

Well, that's how i tend to think of it. Those who are rather more reserved (and hence very unlikely to be reading this blog) would probably interpret it as introducing good people to sin, vice and the Devil.

i always have looked good in red ... but that's another story.

It was a few weekends ago that i finally managed to sort out a photo shoot that had been talked about for a few months. Husband, like most males, seeming to want a little more out of the bedroom life but content to play things through and not rock the boat. The wife ... well, i didn't know that much about her before they turned up on the doorstep. She did turn up nervous, however, with a little alcohol inside her and carrying a plastic bag of yet more.

Becoming nude in front of a camera was concerning her, but there had been a few steps in the deal that gave her a bit of comfort. They were providing the memory cards and i was shooting jpeg on to them; i wouldn't even keep a copy of the pictures. As for me, i was getting the experience of working with someone and having to direct them to poses. That's what i was getting out of this. The living room had been turned in to a makeshift studio for an earlier shoot, so this wasn't putting me out.

i was concerned, however. The living room was full of all my BDSM gear; we're talking everything from ropes to strait jackets and it might scare her. We stopped in the kitchen for a while, talking and getting to know each other. i seem to have that knack of making people feel at ease. What it is, i don't know. It is just some sort of voodoo that i do and it is so voodoo that even i don't know what voodoo i actually do ... if you know what i mean.

Anyway, it took a little time, no pressure. There wasn't any money at stake. my abilities as a general photographer were already known. Well, the evening just opened up. A little bit of shooting, out the back for a cigarete, more shooting, a glass of wine ... fuck me, it went on all evening.

When it came to the rope work ... she was wet. Those two must have had some prety wonderful sex that night ... or rather, later that morning as it was the small hours when they left.

i bumped in to the bloke earlier today, funnily enough. The grin on his face runs from one ear to the other and i think their sex life has moved in to another dimension. Its got not so much an added spark, but more of a flame. No ... a torch ... and not just any torch either; i'm talking about the type of wodden thing that fills one hand while you have a pitchfork in the other and are running down an ogre.

i think they're now saving for a leather strait jacket!

It isn't the first time i've done that sort of thing for people ... and it won't be the last, either. Yes, i do feel a little empty inside myself, but to have brought that kind of joy to others does lift the heart a little.

Happy as a pig in shit

2009-06-14T19:07:00.000+01:00

In Sheffield i had found a dungeon. Well, more appropriately i had found Louise and a flat for two in the bottom of a victorian house. There were the cellars as well. Louise had started a business of sorts and already had people coming around on the tranvestite angle also.

i landed, feet first, in the thick of it. Louise and i became a partnership and that is how things progressed. With basic bondage equipment around and a clear, three roomed cellar, i was able to indulge in actual bondage with proper equipent whenever it was wanted.

This picture is me performing a self-posing test for a self portrait that i was to repeat, later, with lingerie, cuffs, spreader bar and chains ... although i won't post that picture here. You can get the idea of what the place looked like, though. Strong beams held coach bolts that could easily take someones weight. Self timers on cameras allowed portraits like this, before the days of infa-red remote controls.

The people that visited or came to the parties, were just like any other cross section of society. Rich, poor, fun, dour, there was also an occasional thief and trouble maker, but the majority were very honest and some had hearts of total gold with generous souls to match.

This was probably the happiest period of my life. It did, however, come with snags. One was that Louise was lying to me. Eventually, the web of lies crashed down around her and she left. i was never to see her again ... well, not for what must have been fifteen years later and i spent some time with Louise and her new partner; i even went on a mountain walk holiday with them in 2007; and Louise and i made our peace. Louise died of cancer a little short of a year after that holiday. i went on the walk in the countriside where we scattered Louise's ashes and bade her farewell.

However, to return to Sheffield all that time ago and Louise's leaving; J had turned up on the scene. If you follow the Life Of A Stranger blog, then you should have read that J and L saved me from being kicked out of my flat some years earlier because of two burglaries and the landlady's fear of reprisals ... i was kicked out. Well, J and L separated and somehow, J ended up on the doorstep having heard that there was an operating dungeon in the area, and was looking for some fun.

Louise moved out, J moved in and she and i were partners for a little over eleven years. J had work and that meant a good income. The dungeon grew; the equipment grew and so did the fun ... i finally got work myself. For a good few years this is how life continued. Wonderful parties, great people and enjoyable times.

Things were not to last, however. J lost her job and i resigned mine in disgust. Income stopped and we then had to move on.

Keep young and beautiful

2009-06-12T10:17:00.000+01:00

i have to state that i'm not tending towards anorexia or bulemia. i will also admit that i recognise the pressure that is on women to be thin and beautiful. i am also aware, and applaud, the ability for people to feel good in the body they have no matter what its shape or size.

However, I remember when I was young and slim, looked and felt good and got invited here there and everywhere and had a lot of fun as a result. I want those days again. There were energized, they were bouncy, they were fun.

i was hung inverted, suspended by my ankles without boot supports; i used to look good in almost anything. Now, the only reason i look good in a corset is because of what a corset does to the waist!

It was perhaps thanks to cancer that a wonderful man was catupulted to worldwide fame. It is also because of cancer that he was eventually taken from us. Professor Randy Pausch taught, in his time management lectures, that walls are put in our way not necessarily to stop us from doing something, but to prove to us how much we want something. Well, i want my past back ... i want to be fit ... i want to look good in photos again ... i want that energy back ... i want my life back. So i'm going to tackle that wall head on ... and; damn it; i'm going to win. Selfish? You bet.

Health, however, is a fine line to tread between the two and in order to be able to work towards a healthy body, the first thing that is needed is a healthy mind. There is no substitute for good, solid research and a chat with a GP, fitness and dietary experts who have recognised qualifications and many years of experience and reputation under their belts ... this is, after all, your health you're dealing with.

The first thing is to learn about your own body and what is an ideal. This comes down to body function, how efficiently your heart is working, how much fat is in your body and what your ideal weight should be going by your body type, your height and various other things about your own body.

I don't believe in treating my body like a temple, but I do ascribe to the body being a complex chemical factory and needing to be looked after. I won't, however, let my mind and my soul suffer ... it has to be a balance of the three.

For my own body, i'm targetting 70 killos. i started this at 95 and i'm dropping little by little.

Getting off what goes in is only half the story. The first half is controlling what actually goes in to the body in the first place, and this is where the dietician comes in. Most of us are programmed to wanting fast food which is high in sugar and various fats. It's cheap to produce, cheap to buy, easy to sling in the microwave and stuff down our throats. Getting the guts to take on these behaviours and go through the withdrawl symptoms is no joke, but it has to be done. After a while, the cravings do go and, if you can control when you have the sweets as a treat; they taste all the more special when you DO have them!

Some techniques are not to do it all at once, but bit by bit. There is nothing that says as part of a healthy diet, that bad foods have to be cut out completely. There are some easy choices that can be made which kick start the process. One is switching to brown bread. Personally, brown bread just tastes like cardboard so I go for wholemeal which has nuts in it.

I examined my diet ... toast in the morning, bread in my sandwiches and potatoes, pasta or rice for an evening meal. Well, that had to change; that is a lot of carbohydrates. Changing to healthy cerial for most of my mornings breakfasts, and I cut down the quantity in general of what I'm eating. Substituting sweet potato for standard potato and bits like this can also help.

Working it off doesn't mean becoming a fitness junkie and it also doesn't mean having to bulk up and build muscle either. It does take some determination, though.

Regular exercise, three times a week, can take a couple of months before your body begins to actually get itself in to gear for getting fit; it can take this time before you even start to see improvement. Joining a gym can seem expensive, especially in a recession. Personally, i offset some of the cost with the fact that i'm enjoying a nice warm shower three mornings a week at their expense, and i also have access to a steam room, sauna, jacqusi and more, as part of my membership.

i'm currently running 9kmh for 10 minutes; that's equivalent to 0.93 miles ... i'm actually getting close to running a ten minute mile!!! How's that for motivation! It's taken me three months of treadmill work to get to that speed and i estimate being up to the necessary 10kmh in another month. It is an achievable target.

Motivation, however, is the crux of the whole deal. You've got to want to do it. It is by pushing yourself that you go further and develop.

The people who use the weights to bulk up, lift heavy weights but short repetitions (reps) so they'll lift a heavy weight, say 5 times, take a short breather and then do it again. If you want to build strength but not bulk, then you lift smaller weights but higher reps. That also helps motivation as when i come on to a weight machine that someone has been running at 70 kilos and i take it down to 25, then it doesn't dent my motivation because i know i'm doing a different training routine to them.

When a weight becomes comfortable so that you don't feel like you are working, then it is time to up the repetitions, or time to up the weight.

One technique that i was taught is that once you've done your reps, lower the weight one notch and then try and do as many reps as you can manage. When you're doing that comfortably as well, then it is time to up the weight a notch.

But what is the benefit of spending the money on a gym and going to the hassle of changing the diet? Well, like i said ... in my case i want to be beautiful ... but not in the standard, slim supermodel way of being beautiful. i very rarely wear make up, for example. It is one of the things that running the real bondage web site has taught me...

There is a massive gap between what is healthy and what society is telling people is healthy. There is a massive gap between what society tells us is beautiful and what is natures beauty.

i'll never be a supermodel, i'll never actually achieve what i used to be like twenty years ago; but i want my heart to be healthy, i want to be able to enjoy the odd steak out, the odd gorgealicious desert without feeling guilty and having a handle on my overall health.

It is also helping mentally as well. Coming out of the gym i am certainly feeling the emotional benefits of this work. It is like an aura of a job well done. Yes, it is hard work and it is a degree of self discipline to keep doing it ... but that wall which seems to stretch up to the heavens is getting smaller by a few bricks every day and i know that, eventually, i'll beat it.

Where did the emotion go?

2009-06-04T13:58:00.000+01:00

i've had the claim levelled at me that i don't write with emotion. i've been sat down for a while now, trying to work out why. i think the answer is that i'm stretch about as far as i can go and that so much of my life has been spent fighting that there is just no emotion left.

i should be spending life screaming and shouting ... but i'm not. Sure, i have my goals and i'm going out and working towards getting them; but it practically takes six sticks of dynamite up my ass hole before i actually get pissed enough to let rip.

Let me tell you good people; that much dynamite isn't good for the health of ones lower body parts ... if you know what i mean.

So ... where was I?

Oh, yes. living in a council flast somewhere in North East Sheffield. How i got from home to there was a quirk of having to deal with transsexuality and a load of shit in my life, so bondage got buried.

Anyway, it was while whiling my time away in a council shit flat (but it was still a roof over my head) where i felt vulnerable to the degree of having some thief break my door down any minute (the burglaries were still in my head and now that i was living alone again, the fears came back) because the doors were so thin and kick-inable if you know what i mean ... bondage came back to my mind and i wrote, "Broken Spirits."

So, bondage was back at the forefront of my mind again.

Now, how i learned about, "Louise's," i'm not too sure. Basically, it was a TS called Louise, living in a flat with another TV and trying to run a small business providing dressing facilities, etc. for transvestites in the area. So, i thought i'd hook up, and paid a visit.

More on that later, but the lack of emotion thing is, really, to be expected when all things are considered. The guard is still up. It will take someone special to get it let down again and revive the passion. That's going to take someone who knows how to fire dead coals, because emotion has prety much been put on ice.

Even behind the lens of a camera, emotion is a moment to be captured and to do that, one must be able to recognise it, create it even, but yet be distant from it.

The only emotion I can easily manage is anger. That is descructive, however, so I tend to keep it under wraps. Life has lain a few things at my door, I'll admit, but it has snatched away from me the people who have been so dear to my heart. The only thing that is almost uncontrollable these days is when someone who I care about, takes a self-destructive path needlessly ... that really will piss me off as they are forcing me to make a choice ... stand there and watch them suffer through no undoable cause, or else disolve a friendship that means much to me. Now THAT hacks me off.

If you want to know the rest of where my energy and life has gone, then this will give you more of a view but don't view it behind a company firewall.

I live, forever in hope, that I will find another someone special who will put the spark of life once more in the dead coals of my heart, and that life won't again snatch them from me.

How did i know i liked bondage?

2009-06-02T06:25:00.000+01:00

Another good question; but not a very long answer.

i always loved being tied up and facing the challenge of the escape. As most of the people around me were oblivious to what i was up to, i didn't get very far beyond the self-bondage routines that could be done with a sleeping bag and a skipping rope.

It wasn't until my late teens that i subscribed to a long past monthly publication about relationships called, "One to One." It had a small article on the back page of one issue that put a word to my feelings ... Bondage.

Life got busier as i left for my studies and without anyone else who knowingly shared this passion, it was surpressed for a while. Also, sorting out my transsexual core feelings were more important than indulging in this, more external part of my personality.

I want to be young again

2009-05-29T19:30:00.000+01:00

Youth. Attractiveness. Lately, my larger-than-it-should-be figure hasn't been winning any admirers and i feel like i'm left on the shelf.

Dating is a game for the beautiful people; either that or for those with a LOT of patience and determination. Well, those latter two i only use when i have to, so i'm going to turn back the hands of time; i'm going to tear off the face of the clock and wrench those damn hands to where i want them. Old father time is going to have his beard pulled ... big style.

i was photo-shooting last weekend with some good friends and also a model. (who also seems to be turning in to a good friend ... i certainly like her very much as a person ... but i digress) At one point said model was sitting with me in my office and looking through the photos of times past. i was congratulated on my looks. Then i downloaded the contents of my camera; it had been used to shoot a session of me being tied. i caught a few with my stomach in and it looked large. Then i clocked a killer picture; i mean one that nearly stopped my heart i was so damn ugly. Even though i've been to the gym for a couple of months now, i STILL looked like THAT?!

That did it.

my food intake has been cut and reviewed. i have tubs of, "NOS fusion," "CLA," and, "Glucosamine Sulphate," on the way. Yeh, i couldn't pronounce that either so i had to spell it down the phone.

i'm very fortunate. As part of my union duties, i've helped a few people out in the leisure centres. What you sow, so shall ye reap, so i've got some prety good people on my side to help me do battle.

NOS Fusion is simply an energy drink. Quaff some shortly before exercise and it gives you more power to burn off more calories.

CLA is a fat loss tablet. i'm going on a course of two weeks worth and see what happens. i'll report later. It mostly presents fat to the ... whatever they called the organ ... something beginning with m ... for it to turn the fat in to energy. Fact or fiction? Seems to be fact, but as to how effective it is, at nearly £22 for a fortnights course i want to see the fat starting to walk away across the floor on its own two legs. It isn't a long term thing, just something to kick start my enthusiasm; i don't want to get hooked on those puppies.

Glucosamine Sulphate helps aleviate the creaky knees. Everyone i've talked with about it has said it really does help with arthritis as it helps the body repair worn cartiledge. Take a months worth and see what happens.

So, you see that i'm not exactly taking any of this muscle building stuff; it's more the sort of sensible body support thingies. i've got no intention of turning in to a muscle bound fitness junkie.

i want my elbows to touch behind my back again. i want to be able to do inverted suspension without a 7 ton crane. i want people to want me for what i am on the outside ... because i want it to match the inside that so many people have said i am.

Damn it ... i'm not going to fight nature with a surgeons blade; i've had enough of that thank you ... but i'll be damned if i'm going to go down without a fight.

A few days of photography

2009-05-24T06:45:00.000+01:00

The living room has been converted in to a small studio with muslin background, mains powered strobes and more. Some friends are due and we'll see where the weekend leads us. More after it is all over; but it's taken me a day to set the place ready and it'll easily take that again to tear it all down again afterwards.

In other news, Ben is at Cannes and is due back in a few days time. The report on the film script should be waiting for him so, finally, we'll get an official viewpoint on the script which will help us complete the final presentation. Part of me can't wait to read it, the other part doesn't want to hear the criticism.

Phallix at cost?

2009-05-18T21:09:00.000+01:00

Yes, i couldn't believe it either. If you're a Phallix fan in the UK there are some things going at cost price to clear.

BDSM and Christianity

2009-05-14T21:12:00.000+01:00

The following is an article written by user, "TiedToTheBed," from the Greater Los Angeles area. Originally posted on Bondage.com, it captured my attention. He has kindly given me permission to re-post it here.

---------

As a lifelong Christian and bondage enthusiast, there seemed at times an internal conflict which I eventually resolved by understanding that God intends for me to enjoy life with all the sensual pleasures of erotic bondage with a willing partner. I found the following article of interest, and invite your comments....

Bondage in Christ -
BDSM in a Christian Marriage

There has been an ongoing debate in the Christian community about whether or not Christians can engage in BDSM (Bondage & Discipline/Dominant – submissive/Sadomasochism) practices without sinning. Although BDSM can involve literal bondage (being hand-cuffed, tied up, etc.) and discipline (such as verbal chastisement or corporal punishment), it is best understood as a metaphorical relationship between husband and wife and in terms of spiritual submission, which is an important theme in the New Testament. A BDSM relationship between a dominant husband and submissive wife is actually the ideal of marriage set out in Ephesians 5:22-26 taken to its logical conclusion! Let us explain further.

Spiritual Submission - The Ideal of Marriage
Most of us are familiar with this famous scriptural blueprint for a Christian marriage:

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, 23 for the husband is head of the wife as also Christ is head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as also Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 to make her holy, cleansing her in the washing of water by the word. (Ephesians 5:22-26)
The husband and wife who choose to enter into a consensual Dominant/submissive relationship are choosing to fully enact this commandment in their sexual life, a choice that is valid and honorable, and may bring them both deep sexual and spiritual fulfillment. BDSM, practiced responsibly, can be a tool of growth for both partners in a Christian marriage, as it allows them to more fully explore God's plan for spiritual and sexual partnership.

Just as we trust in the Lord in our submission to Him and willingly offer it, a wife who is submissive to her husband is offering a great spiritual gift and doing a great service for both herself and her husband. In Christianity, submission is holy. Even Christ, the Son of God, was submissive to the Lord:

7 In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to the one who was
able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. (Hebrews 5:7)

When God says submit, He means submit completely, because He has a higher purpose in mind for us. When Hagar ran away from Sarah, she was sent back by a divine messenger: Then the Angel of the Lord said to her, "You must go back to your mistress and submit to her mistreatment." (Genesis 16:9) What appears to outsiders to be an "abusive" situation may in fact have a much different meaning; in this case, Hagar needed to return to fulfill her service to the house of Abraham.

BDSM does not necessarily have to involve whips and chains, black leather, or dungeon gear, although if they find these props help them get in the mood, there is not reason why Christians should not use them. There's nothing sinful about these items. In fact, they are part of the Christian heritage. As Paul wrote to the Corinthians, I beat my body and bring it into submission, for fear that by any means, that after I have preached to others, I myself should be rejected. (1 Corinthians 9:27) Many SM devices, such as floggers, whips, clamps, chastity belts, and the cat o'nine tails, bear close resemblance to used a wide array of devices early Christian penitents to whip their bodies and mortify their flesh. They did this to submit their bodies to Christ, to emulate his suffering on the Cross, and purify themselves spiritually and attain a closer union with God. Many BDSM practitioners describe a feeling of spiritual union with their partners that transcends physical sexuality.

Despite the misleading impressions that such common BDSM practices as spanking, humiliation, and name-calling may give, they are only performed in the context of a loving relationship to fulfill the higher purpose of strengthening emotional, sexual, and spiritual bonds. Just as we trust the Lord, the submissive partner offers total trust to the Dominant partner, knowing that the end result will be redemption and satisfaction: 29 Let him submit absolutely; there may yet be hope. 30 Let him offer his cheek to the one who strikes it, and receive his fill of insults. (Lamentations 3:29-30)

Nevertheless, we want to emphasize that consensual BDSM relationships are not abusive, either physically or emotionally, especially not in a Christian marriage. Because the husband is obligated to care for his wife as Christ cared for the church, he must always have her best interest in mind and treat her with the utmost love and respect. However, as we will see, that does not exclude well-reasoned and loving discipline.

Loving Bondage and Discipline

Bondage and discipline are part of the spiritual tradition of Christianity, and are reflected in how a loving, all-knowing God guides his followers and instructs them in His will.

8 If people are bound with chains and trapped by the cords of affliction, 9 God tells them what they have done and how arrogantly they have transgressed. 10 He opens their ears to correction and insists they repent from iniquity. 11 If they serve Him obediently, they will end their days in prosperity and their years in happiness. (Job 36:8-11)

As God looks after us, in Christian BDSM, the husband looks after both his wife's spiritual growth and her physical needs, and the wife submits to her husband for guidance and fulfillment. For these reasons, the husband may find it appropriate to discipline her as needed, in a spirit of love. He disciplines her as God disciplines all of us believers, and as we read in Hebrews, this may smart at the time, but is always for our own good:

5 My son, do not take the Lord's discipline lightly, or faint when you are reproved by Him; 6 for the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and punishes every son whom He receives…He does it for our benefit, so that we can share His holiness. 11 No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:5-11)

Of course, we are not endorsing any sort of abuse or nonconsensual violence. BDSM is not "wife beating" or domestic violence. There is a huge difference between punishment inflicted out of anger and cruelty by one person overpowering another, and discipline that is meted out with love and reason, gratefully and willingly received. Those who participate in bondage and discipline and sadomasochism do so of their own free will and by mutual agreement, and as with the Dominant/submissive relationship, it takes two to tango. Although it may seem like the person who ties the knots or wields the paddle holds all the power, if BDSM is practiced respectfully and ethically, the power is shared. The husband should always respect the limits of his wife with respect to pain or humiliation, so that he does not inflict any real physical or emotional harm on her.

Can a Man Be Submissive to His Wife?

This is a tricky question but a very important one that needs to be addressed. We believe that a man can adopt a submissive and servile role and allow his wife to dominate him sexually, if it is absolutely clear that outside of the bedroom, the husband is the spiritual head of the marriage. Just as a woman gives the gift of submission to her husband, there is no reason why, for their mutual sexual gratification, a man should not submit his body to his wife for her use and serve her sexually. This is totally in alignment with the Biblical command that husband and wife give each other "due benevolence"; her body is meant for his sexual enjoyment and vice versa. However, this reversal of roles in the context of sexual relations is only possible due to the sanctity of the marriage bed, and an explicit understanding on the parts of both the husband and wife that they will adopt “natural” roles in the rest of their daily lives. We would counsel against couples living the wife dominant/husband submissive roles “24/7”, as this could lead to spiritual confusion.

Turning an Obama question around

2009-05-10T09:53:00.000+01:00

i'm one of many people on the list of sex educator Midori who has also just relaunched her Fire Horse Productions web site. It moved me enough to request permission to re-post it here; Midori's writing explains itself.

= = =

1. ENCHANTED, SURPRISED, TROUBLED, HUMBLED - YOU?

At a recent news conference Jeff Zeleney, a reporter from the New York Times, asked President Obama what he found enchanting, surprising, troubling and humbling in his first 100 days in the office. This delightful question got me thinking - we could all ask ourselves this about our lives and careers.

When I reflect about my career as a sexuality educator, here's how I'd answer the question.

Enchanted: The feisty women all over who've opened up sex positive boutiques and events. I've met many of these gutsy gals. For the past few decades these women decided that sensuality is a good and right part of healthy humanity, and decided to open tiny pretty shops - against all odds and well-meaning advice to do otherwise. Their impact on general sexual health and positive attitude isn't fully appreciated. They're the ones that have encouraged me along the way to keep on track of what I'm doing, regardless of odd and voices of negativity. They rock!

Surprised: I'm surprised every day that I'm doing what I'm doing. When I was young, I didn't think I'd be the sort to run my own business - and about sexuality?
I'm surprised about how much good resource about healthy sexuality is available for young people today. It's such a different world from my high school and college days.

Troubled: I am troubled that despite all the great resources and information about healthy, loving sexuality, that there is still fear, shame and angst around one's sensual expression. I am troubled by the hatred and fear that still thrives against LGBTI folks. I am troubled that AIDS still ravages but seems to be in the back burner of people's minds.
I'm troubled that some folks, especially in the kink subculture think that I'm just about rope or that they discount me because I also enjoy teaching fun mainstream love skills.

Humbled: I'm humbled by people like my mother-in-law, whom after decades of conservative thinking, can open their hearts to people who love differently then them. I am humbled by all those kick-ass young ones who start sexuality resources, events and clubs for their peers. I'm humbled by my friends, who support me and my mission each and every day. I'm humbled by my wife, who believes in me and my crazy work and art.

And you? Here's a question for you... And please feel free to ask others this question, as it's guaranteed to be a really interesting conversation.

When reflecting upon your personal sexual/sensual journey, what have you found to be enchanting, surprising, troubling and humbling?

Wishing you peace and pleasure!

Midori

Yet another mindfuck

2009-04-22T18:39:00.001+01:00

This is how someone who is closed minded, attempts to belittle someone who is open minded, but wants proof of what is being asserted. This is how people are brought in to cults like Scientology, by being told, "facts," which are not backed up with any actual proof.

Another common mindfuck

2009-04-22T12:02:00.000+01:00

In these various conversational forums, those with a bone to chew will keep chewing it. Despite an issue being laid to rest serveral posts earlier, these people will keep chewing the same bone until it splinters. Simply telling them that the issue was answered several posts ago won't work either ... they'll just change their grip on the bone and keep one chewing.

Some common mindfucks

2009-04-21T23:09:00.000+01:00

There are some common mind fucks that people can pull in conversations, and the key thing is to keep your cool. (a piece of advice that i failed to follow myself, very recently) Personally, i've been on the Internet for more than a decade and i have run forums and chat rooms. There are some people who pull some key stunts which are deliberately designed to make you look like a prat to the rest of the people in the room.

1) Claiming that you always have to have the last word. This means that you have to let them have the last word. If you don't let them have the last word, then you're proving them right. If you do let them have the last word, then you're effectively stuck in leaving whatever they say, unchallenged, and your own voice is subdued because when you stick up for yourself, you're proving their point that you're a drama queen...

2) Claiming that you're a drama queen. Most BDSM'ers will know where the line is between dominance and assertion. It is a key difference to have a grip of in order to maintain an understanding of how dynamics work. But where is the line between arrogance and assertion? If you're in a conversation where someone is constantly trying to prove their own point of view ... and if you've started the conversation or the conversation is about you ... they've got a lot of ground to make up, as they actually won't know diddly squat about you but will still be trying to make their own voice the superior one in the conversation ... so their only way to do that, is to put you down. Consequentially, whenever they make an incorrect assumption (they've got to make assumptions as they won't know all the facts) and you correct them, they simply call you arrogant and most people will usually back them up as it is human nature to support the underdog, which is them, not you, as it is perceived that you are the one who is on the attack even though you're actually only putting the record straight.

3) Psychology and psychiatry. It is the youngest science of them all. Not only that, it is a science which hasn't got a control. The control is what is taken as being the, "normal," behaviour ... but normal behaviour is only normal in a specific society. When transferred to a different society the control which has been used to, "prove," the assumptions, is wiped out. Null and void. When someone starts quoting psychiatry or psychology books, start getting concerned on two points. (a) that they are introducing generalisations in to the mix rather than the specific subjects and situations at hand. (b) using the Internet the people concerned are usually in different societies ... and that means the controls are usually null and void when applied to a different society. The only way that such research can be used is either one which covers different societies as part of the control set, or else it is being used to gain standing among the group by showing false understanding of the subject (false because they usually won't understand the aspects of generalisation or social controls.)

Ah well; that's the Internet for you.

i've just left one thread by correcting a load of assumptions that some posters have made. i've instantly made myself appear like a drama queen that has to have the last word. Can't win; so what's the fucking point?

Cut up.

2009-04-21T21:59:00.000+01:00

It seems that most of my friends are a way apart from me. Either mileage or other things that are happening. Of those that are close, they've got enough problems of their own ... and although it may sound odd, but there are some issues that can only be helped by having a fresh perspective on things. Strangers ... but nevertheless people who will understand.

i made that critical mistake, though. In most social networks there is an element; an element who love nothing more than to point a finger and hurt ... those who are adept with words in such a way as the hand that they offer in order to pick you up, is made from knives that cut you to the bone should you take the offer of its grip.

So i continue. Busy myself with projects. Fortunately, from this last round of encounters i have had my perspective changed enough to make me realise just how lucky my past has been, even though my future now looks as bleak as everyone elses.

i know. That sounds cryptic, and i can't explain it any other way.

Still ... life goes on. i'm at the gym tomorrow, and then it is part two of the root canal. Wish me luck.

Free instructional videos

2009-04-19T06:57:00.000+01:00

Picked up from a post someone else made in another forum Two Knotty Boys have generously put up some bondage instructional videos for free.

How I feel

2009-04-13T19:54:00.000+01:00

i'm not sure where this picture came from, but it summs up how i feel.

If anyone recognises the pic, please let me know.

Returning to Master

2009-03-30T15:07:00.001+01:00

Master Charles had lived in North Wales near the Snowdon mountains. In His paperwork when He passed on, were details of a walk that He had wanted to do with me ... or that is, i presumed such as the details of the walk were in the folder of things marked, "L - To do."

It has taken a couple of years, but a friend and i have just completed that walk. It was a bit of an odd one as it seems that some of the places mentioned in the decade year old notes were a bit different, but we managed it.

As part of getting a bit lost with the walk and missing a turn, we ended up on a spittle of high up land where i had previously scratched my devotion to Him in the slate after He had passed on ... but in the interviening years the weather had worn it away. my tears were hidden from the world by the rain.

The walk finished at a pub which, unfortuntely for us was shut, but we went to an old cafe in Llanberis called Pete's Eats which many devoted climbers will probably have heard of. After a good mug of tea, we then left ... the past behind me, the future awaiting ... my heart and chest feeling a solid mixture of emotions as i drove the familiar roads out of the area and onwards to our next destination. i deliberately stayed away from His old home ... now the property of someone new.

my emotions will take some time to steady. There is only the one request now to be completed, and this is the picture which will be taken in a few months time. Don't ask me what my emotions are ... i have little idea of them myself right now.

The fantasy

2009-03-25T12:29:00.000Z

Well, there are times when i have dreams and there are times when i have day-dreams and there are times when I have dreams, in the day, that i'm fully aware of. Some might call these fantasies.

The only thing that i'm going to call it is proof positive that i'm a sd bitch that is in desparate need of a good tying and screwing ... but that's another story, so in the mean time, let's get back to this one.

Those who know me, know i love my photography. Well, this dream starts with receiving an invite to take part in a work-to-learn workshop on a shoot arranged by some of my favourite photographers ... let's just call them Dave, Joe and Clive. i mention that i can't afford the ticket but it comes back, "No problem. We'll get that sorted."

So, after a couple of days of hard work assisting while hanging around these guys (they're known for being off the wall and doing their own stuff anyway, so this isn't out of place) we're all sitting around the table, talking photography while we eat. Only a handfull of us, maybe ten to fifteen, so it is reasonably cosy. There are still three days shooting slated but the models have all left; people are assuming that there are going to be more arriving tomorrow. Joe slips in that he's seem some of my shooting and that he actually likes some of it. i ask which ones; i've got pictures all over the place. He says, the realbondage site.

my fork, laiden with food, stops just short of my lips and holds there for a few seconds while my eyes glance sideways at Joe. i slowly put my fork down and by now, all eyes are on me. i gulp, and eventually find my voice. "So, this is where i pay for those plane tickets, eh?"

"Well, now you come to mention it..." comes the reply.

Warming slightly to the sitaution and regaining my posture (i am a bit of an exhibitionist after all) i nudge Joe's wife who is sitting next to me. "Here; none of these have likely seen Pulp Fiction, have they?"

"Oh, um, I think they have."

"Oh bugger."

"Look, Joe, i don't think you've really realised the degree of expense it costs in styling to make me look good in front of a camera. i mean, you've got a nice driveway but it couldn't handle the six cement trucks that are needed."

"Oh, don't worry, we can take care of that."

Getting serious, i start to look around the table. "But there's one thing; from the people here, i don't think any of them have any experience of the subject matter. How are you going to handle it?"

Joe toys with a potato slice as he starts to look decidedly mischievous, "We've brought someone in."

"Yeh; like who? Midori?!" i said in complete jest. At that moment, the tip of a bullwhip handle, the tail bending away, touches the side of my lower jaw from behind and forces my face slightly up and to the side. my eyes widen.

"Funny you should mention me."

The rest, as they say, is biology.

The sales are on

2009-03-24T06:44:00.000Z

Well, it looks like the sales are still on in many places including World of Dreams.

Tasks still left to do

2009-03-09T12:00:00.001Z

Responsibility is not only the job of the Dominant but also the job of the submissive. Submitting does not absolve the sub of the things which they are tasked to do. In my case there are two things left after the passing of Master Charles. One is to take a picture that He requested, using a specific camera, and the other is to follow a walk which He wished us to go on; He left the details of the walk in the folder of things He wanted to do or discuss with me when i served Him.

The picture will likely be taken in May but the walk will be done some time at the end of this month or early next month. I'll be taking pictures. It's going to hurt me, emotionally, but i'm ready for it and i'm not doing it alone.

Highlighting under age sex criminals

2009-03-03T13:11:00.001Z

This report on the BBC shows that even youngsters are committing sexual offences.

Thnk about it ... 19 now, but, "Allegations about the man's sexual behaviour were first made in 2004, when it was claimed he acted in a sexually inappropriate way to another boy. In 2005, he is said to have sexually touched a boy while they were both living at a hostel in England. " ... means that he was around 14 at the time that the first allegations were made.

If anything should sound alarm bells that sexual behaviours and the nature/nurture debate needs some serious and honest research, then this should.

Incidentally if you read, "Diary of an On Call Girl" written by PC Bloggs then if she really is a policewoman to be believed, then there are already supposedly secure units where young sexual offenders like this one are kept. Unfortunately for the public ... they never actually lock the front doors because the inmates might get violent.

Where is the line of freedom?

2009-03-01T14:54:00.000Z

Many people think that the banning of sexually violent pornography was a good thing to have in the law. For reference, look up the Criminal Justice and Immigration Act, part 5, which received Royal Assent in May 2008.

My personal view is that this is a very bad law for a number of reasons.

----------

Firstly, from the basis of the very research that was studied to support the bill, it is clear that restricting the access of certain types of pornography will increase the number of attacks on women.

The people who undertake these types of act are highlighted to already have been isolated. This law effectively puts these peoples backs against a corner, inviting them to pounce. With some form of official support these people can instead come to terms with handling their feelings and controlling them. The tactic of trying to lock them up and throwing away the key by creating excuses to lock them up for is madness as in order to do this, we have passed a law which signs away so many freedoms of expression.

We bowed to the information put forward in the bill without scruitanising it properly. The R.E.A. report which was used to back up the bill was actually fatally flawed and not properly discussed. The House was negligent, as were the rest of the casually involved, in looking at the detail of the bill instead of actually asking the question as to what problem was the bill intending to solve and actually investigating whether the proposals put forward actually achieved the solution to the problem.

If you're talking about saving peoples lives, then no, it doesn't.

If you're talking about subjecting a large segment of society to censorship, then yes, it does.

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Secondly, there is too much trust placed in the Police and on their view of society.

What the police want when it comes to the physical tools to uphold the law, they need whatever they can get their hands on. When it comes to changes in the law to achieve their aims, we need to cry stop and pull them up by a choke chain.

The Police are not in charge of making our law for a reason ... a very good reason. They are biased and have a history of trying to enforce their own bias.

The Police are Pavlov's dogs. They enter a crime scene and see certain materials. As they continue with their crime investigations and continue to see certain materials present, they build up a picture. Unfortunately for them, it is the wrong picture. Why? Becuase they never see the non-crime situations where materials are present.

The criminal that attacked and killed Liz Longhurst's daughter had violent sexually pornographic material in his flat and attributed his actions to advictive viewing of such material.

Now, from the standard point of view this is a case of an individual off loading some of the responsibility on to an external influence. We've all heard of the criminals that have murdered and maimed and blamed a computer game or a violent video ... we haven't believed them; they still stand responsible for the crimes they have committed.

So why did the police decide to take Longhurst's killer and put a full blown orchestra behind what he gave as his excuse? The reason is because it suits their purpose to do so.

But what purpose?

The purpose of ridding the country of what they see as sexual smut. Let's face it, we all like to think that we're clean and holier than thou. Sex has long been painted as sin yet it is the thing that gives life. What's wrong with having some fun and getting down and dirty?

Some people don't like it. That's what is wrong with it.

Posing nude on page three has had its supporters and also its haters. It isn't outlawed though, on the basis of freedom. Some people (like me) can't stand horror movies and the blood and guts of people getting mutilated ... and made to look ultra realistic in the process; yet it isn't outlawed on the basis of freedom.

SO the question I have is why the hell is pornography between consenting adults frowned upon and treated to illegal enforcement while depictions of cold blooded and selfish murder are fine?

Answer that question first ... if you can justify why pornography should be banned then fair enough ... and I mean justify it; not come up with the same old arguments of degradation that have pathetically been used in the vain attempt to try and get page 3 women banned; this is all about freedom, remember; try and use those arguments and you deserve to be sitting with our censorship government. I mean REAL justification. Truth be told, there isn't any.

Hang on ... I wrote about illegal enforcement, didn't I? Yes. The Police have been taking the law in to their own hands for the fifty year life of the Obscene Publications Act. Ask Olympia Press on the Isle of Weight, where the police engaged on a campaign to try and shut them down. As Olympia Press are a business, the Obscene Publications Act allowed the police to go in and raid them. Each time the raids occured, this seriously upset their business. Four cases ended up in front of the courts and Olympia were pronounced innocent on all four occasions. This did not, however, deter the police from continuing to raid them, disrupting their business and dropping the action before it came to court.

Olympia, continually cripped and without the funds to take the police themselves to court, agreed to stop publishing the hand drawings that accompanied the books. The Isle of Weight police achieved censorship of a publishing house to a degree which was outside the bounds of our countries law. Now THAT, in my books, is obscene ... especially when you consider the extra man power that had to be given to the Isle of Weight by the main land every time they wanted to mount a raid, costing the tax payer a small fortune every time.

The CJ&Ip5 bill now allows the police to use the same tactic against individuals ... although in reality it would only take one raid to completely destroy an individual; even to be later pronounced innocent by a court wouldn't undo the damage that the police would have wrecked on someones life.

----------

What about the individuals voice?

The Ministry of Justice will not answer the key questions. They will not provide any example, past, present or future, where the CJ&Ip5 would save even one life. They also refuse to comment on the bias of the REA ... why the REA was not asked, in its terms of reference, to report on the affect of removing pornography from society; why the REA commented in its own report on the lack of time it had to complete its research, ie. that it was rushed ... or why it relies on reports of students reactions in laboritory situations when the very research it reported on made the specific point that laboratory situations were not equivalent to real life situations.

My complaints about the MoJ to Number 10 were deliberately re-routed to the MoJ. The person responsible for the re-routing refused point blank to put my concerns to the Prime Minister. MP's from all parties, even the ones that pride themselves on the causes of freedom and the stand against police oppression, have not taken the issue forward. Indeed, most of them have failed to respond at all; including one who received communication from The Queen herself.

No one wants to pick this up.

----------

Human beings are complicated and are very, very far from being the nice, squeeky clean people that biased people would like to believe we are. They just want to ignore the realities and carry on in their own little world ... all too happy to drag everyone else in to their fantasy as well.

Want a jolt? Consider this account from London Ambulance Service personnel Mr Brian Kellett, writing under the name of Tom Reynolds in the book, "Blood, Sweat and Tea."...

"Imagine, if you will, getting sent to a job where a 15-year old boy is threatening suicide. You turn up at the address and discover that it is a care home. Meeting with one of his carers she hands you a list of the boy's medications and it reads like a, 'Who's Who' of psychiatric drugs. You talk to the boy and he seems calm, collected and very polite. He explains that he wants to jump out of a window and kill himself, and agrees that he would like to go to hospital. You take him in to the paediatric department of a local hospital. As this does not feel like the normal, “Teenager wants to kill themselves” you have a chat wit the children's nurse and you ask them to let you know what happens to the patient. You leave and continue with your shift. The next day you ask the children's nurse about the patient and she tells you, “The boy wanted to die because he wants to have sex with, and kill small children – and that he knows that it is wrong.

I hate paedophiles as much as any other member of society, but in front of me that day, I saw a victim."

You can't legislate Mother Nature out of the equasion. You can't just sweep asside the human condition with a legislatures pen; Oh no ... this is a time where real work is needed ... and none of our current politicians appear to have the guts.

Even those who are responsible for pushing through the censorship refuse to debate the hell that they have wrecked on our society. Labour MP Martin Salter refuses to talk on the subject because it is, "now the law of the land." Even though they know they are badly in the wrong and have done our society a massive disservice all in aid of pushing their own personal views on to everyone else.

--------------

So what are the impacts of this law to be? No one knows. The MoJ makes much of the conditions that an image has to meet in order to be deemed illegal; however what they don't like being pointed out is that the key condition is completely dependent on what an individual considers to be obscene.

Various realistic circumstances were also put to the MoJ to show them how ignorant the conditions of the law were; such as a person who has a picture is exempt if they are in the picture, but not the photographer and if their partner, friend or family had posession of the picture, even with the legal persons permission, they would have no legal defence. The MoJ have not answered any of those concerns either.

This is, thus, a law that can not be used. It is a law that is badly formed, has no examples of lives it can save but the art world itself has drawn a chilling breath in the inability to tread certain avenues of sex because there is no possible way of knowing what is or isn't to be classed as obscene; there is no actual test. There is no BBFC of the still image. Also, although the law states that classical works are exempt, there is no actual definition of what a classical work IS to be deemed a classic; and if an artist wants to design a work with the intention of it becoming a classic, then at what point dare the artist create it?

This law is destined never to be used in the way that many people would have believed it to be used. The only use that this law can actually be put to, is to allow the police to obtain a search warrant from a magistrate in the belief that the individual for whos life they wish to make hell, may actually be in breach of this law ... and then, by the time a judges gavel pronounces innocence, the damage would have already been done and the police will be happy that they have censored another person out of societies respectable loop.

Last year it was the CJ&Ip5 and the Home Office over riding the early day motions enforcement of the freedom to photograph. This year it is already the grabbing of powers on information and the revelation of the missuse of the terrorism act and this is only the start of March.

The Coroners and Justice bill was not the only one to adjust other legislation. The CJ&Ip5 increased the sentence time for the Obscene Publications Act. Many other bills have done the same so that legal professionals are complaining that they don't know what the law actually is any more and our courts are struggling to require extra reference when support staff are being cut.

What next? A law stating that only married couples can have sex in their marital bed and the lights must be out? I'm not joking, either ... this is the way that the prudish want to take us; it is a matter of record that Kent Police actually wanted to ban the ownership of written pornographic material as well; what would Mills and Boon make of that?

Zanjeer Matam - another criminal walks free

2009-01-30T18:00:00.000Z

We now have two cases, this one and this one of men getting children involved in zanjeer matam and walking free with six months suspended sentances.

The Spanner crew got four and a half years, and there wasn't a minor anywhere near them.

Call this justice? I call it a bloody shameful farce.

Linux Crusade

2009-01-25T09:08:00.000Z

I know that this isn't BDSM related, but as so many people visit here on a regular basis, I thought I'd bring this to peoples attention.

Microsoft are tightening down on licence cheats and pirates. Apple stuff is hideously expensive. So I invite you to a new blog Linux Crusade where I take a machine that is a couple of years old (nearer three) and install Ubuntu Linux on it.

I'll go through the every day set up that the average user is concerned about, explain the basics and then go on to discover the application solutions to the everyday things that I want to use the computer for. There will be times when you have to resort to the dreaded terminal, but only for the odd command or two, and I'll explain the commands as we go.

So, if you are thinking of ditching your Windows machine and dropping in on Linux, follow me in, because I believe it is worth the effort.

Dear Member of Parliament,

2009-01-23T06:59:00.000Z

Dear Member of Parliament,

I write to you on the issue of part five of the Criminal Justice and Immigration Bill which was passed by the house in two thousand and eight. It was put in with a raft of other measures and did not give the House the necessary time to discuss it properly.

I put it to you that this legislation should not be on the statute books of this country. The moralistic argument put to the House was incomplete and incorrect on a number of points. The points discussed in this document are the following...

*) The research evaluated by the Ministry of Justice and presented to the House by way of the Rapid Evaluation Assessment (REA) is incomplete, the results flawed and the terms of reference missed important questions.
*) The research evaluated in the REA indicates that this act puts women at greater risk of attack.
*) The human race is considerably more complex than people might believe. There are reported to be places in the UK where rapists and victims are held; all individuals within this area are under the age of sixteen.
*) The support system is almost exclusively targeted on helping victims recover, ignoring the options open to prevent potential attackers from becoming attackers in the first place.
*) The moralistic stance of this law (and others like it) prevents any strong minded MP from seeking the truth on issues and challenging the will of the individuals responsible for its existence.
*) There is an impact on the artistic freedoms of our society.
*) The wording of the law, while looking to be tight, moves the judgement of individual, "crimes," away from fact and straight in to the realms of objective judgement; a gun is a gun, a fingerprint is a fingerprint, but when is an image obscebe? No legal system can operate fairly in this environment and the time spent arguing could cost the country dear both financially and in terms of International public image.
*) The Police have a history of legally abusing the Obscene Publications Act. It is now possible for them to abuse individuals.

The following pages discuss these points and should demonstrate why rushing such laws through the House is a dangerous form of Russian roulette with society.

To go back to the beginning, the Obscene Publications Act has allowed the Police to target businesses. One such case is Olympia Press, judged innocent by the courts four times. Still, the Police can continue to raid on fresh charges even though many of these raids were dropped before reaching the courts. The effect of a raid is to take all computers and materials making trading extremely difficult for the business concerned and hold them for a period; currently around six months. Eventually, the business was pressured in to dropping the hand drawings that accompanied the books. The Isle of Weight Police had succeeded in censorship on their own backs by also spending freely from the public purse by requiring extra resource to be brought over from the main land whenever a raid was to be mounted.

The human race is considerably complex. Mother nature gives us urges and desires which we may not like, but they nevertheless exist. The fact that the wonders of nature do not fit in with what society would prefer to be a nice, clean image is something which society needs to come to terms with. While it is not the purpose of this document to discuss the morality of selecting children born with various physical defects, whether moral or not it is impossible to perform such screening for mental conditions and certainly no legislation can cure someone born in such a way.

I bring to your attention the account from London Ambulance Service personnel Mr Brian Kellett, writing under the name of Tom Reynolds in the book, "Blood, Sweat and Tea."...

"Imagine, if you will, getting sent to a job where a 15-year old boy is threatening suicide. You turn up at the address and discover that it is a care home. Meeting with one of his carers she hands you a list of the boy's medications and it reads like a, 'Who's Who' of psychiatric drugs. You talk to the boy and he seems calm, collected and very polite. He explains that he wants to jump out of a window and kill himself, and agrees that he would like to go to hospital. You take him in to the paediatric department of a local hospital. As this does not feel like the normal, “Teenager wants to kill themselves” you have a chat wit the children's nurse and you ask them to let you know what happens to the patient. You leave and continue with your shift. The next day you ask the children's nurse about the patient and she tells you, “The boy wanted to die because he wants to have sex with, and kill small children – and that he knows that it is wrong.

I hate paedophiles as much as any other member of society, but in front of me that day, I saw a victim."

If the book, "Diary of an on-call girl" is to be believed then there are foundations in the UK that are looking after children under the age of sixteen that have not only been the victim of sexual attacks, but have also perpetrated them.

In answer to this issue, the Ministry of Justice could only offer a web site! Stopitnow.org.uk which was geared to picking up the pieces after an attack has occurred. The response from the Change for Children Trust was not encouraging, "Potential abusers can go to the Stop It Now helpline, the Probation Service or their own doctor. There is not much available but the above particularly the helpline are very effective. Money is short for those who have abused and need rehabilitation, so in my experience there is even less for potential abusers. Chemical castration I think is not used as it has very little helpful effect, but my knowledge is not up to date - you need a medical research person or internet search for that."

So what is the status of a potential sexual abuser and how may they be stopped? There are differences between those driven by sex and those driven by violence ...

According to Barbaree, Seto, Serin, Amos and Preston's report in 1994, "Comparisons Between Sexual and Nonsexual Rapist Subtypes" non-sexual rapists are more violent when they attack and leave, "greater victim damage." and that, "the men in the sexual subtypes were more socially isolated at the time of the offense." This report was among those analysed by the REA.

...ie. Sexually violent offenders are driven by social isolation. If we remove the persecution complex and allow a controlled avenue for seeking help we stand a chance of preventing such attacks. This law, however, only serves to increase the isolation and thus can be argued to increase the attacks. I'm not saying that someone who commits the crime shouldn't do the time, but I am saying that as a society we have a responsibility to do what we can to avoid the crime happening in the first place; there is even an argument that if someone does the crime after receiving avoidance assistance, that they should do even more time. At present, however, our society is not geared to give such help and seems to think that it is above such.

How we tackle non-sexually motivated attacks, however, with so much material in mainstream society and passed by our own censors, is another issue.

On other issues, the Ministry of Justice was asked about an exhibition at The Barbican in January 2008 in an exhibition entitled "Seduced: Art & Sex from Antiquity to Now."? The MoJ have not answered this question.

The Ministry of Justice was asked, five times to date, to name one case, past, present or future where this act has or would have saved even one life. They have not answered this question. The only conclusion is that this law was not brought in to tackle crime, but to criminalise portions of society in an attempt to align societies morals towards someone else's thinking.

The REA missed the important question of what effect removing pornography will have on our society. The question simply wasn't put on the MoJ's reference requirements for the report. Indeed, the report itself comments on the short amount of time it had to deal with the terms of reference that it was asked to report on. In short, the report was rushed and missed questions vitally important for our society; namely the impact it would have.

Research like Kutchinsky B's 1991 report from the Institute of Criminal Science, University of Copenhagen, Denmark entitled, "Pornography and rape: theory and practice? Evidence from crime data in four countries where pornography is easily available.", need to be brought up to date. It was clearly stated ... "The development of rape and attempted rape during the period 1964-1984 was studied in four countries: the U.S.A., Denmark, Sweden and West Germany. In all four countries there is clear and undisputed evidence that during this period the availability of various forms of pictorial pornography including violent/dominant varieties (in the form of picture magazines, and films/videos used at home or shown in arcades or cinemas) has developed from extreme scarcity to relative abundance. If (violent) pornography causes rape, this exceptional development in the availability of (violent) pornography should definitely somehow influence the rape statistics. Since, however, the rape figures could not simply be expected to remain steady during the period in question (when it is well known that most other crimes increased considerably), the development of rape rates was compared with that of non-sexual violent offences and nonviolent sexual offences (in so far as available statistics permitted). The results showed that in none of the countries did rape increase more than nonsexual violent crimes. This finding in itself would seem sufficient to discard the hypothesis that pornography causes rape."

The counter argument presented is that it is viewing such material that makes people want to commit these acts. The MoJ acknowledge that this is a very contentious area, but has chosen to legislate in this environment and likely increase the number of violent sexually motivated attacks in to our society instead of holding the status quo while much needed in depth research is carried out.

The REA also fell down in that it relied on material presented to students in a controlled environment, removing their ability to exercise their own judgement and walk away from what offended them on an individual level; effectively creating conditions where a particular result would be almost assured to be observed. The Society for Social Work and Research in their January 2007 report Bridging Disciplinary Boundaries commented on such; "However, much of the work in this area has been conducted with college students and in psychology lab situations. Therefore, the research results may not pertain to sexual abusers, adolescents, or real life experiences."

To conclude, the research was almost certain to back the inclusion of part five by the MoJ that the law was needed.

However it threatens to cost the courts a lot of money in prosecutions. We know more now than when the OPA act was brought in to being. We know of the existence of objectophiles, for example, who are sexually aroused by objects and are not affected by the same materials traditionally thought to invite stimulus.

The law is no longer allowed to hear defence other than those outlined, but it must make its own conclusion. A poster for a Shakespeare play, for example, where sex and violence form recurring themes, thus fall foul of this law. The facts of the image portraying a sexual situation where the persons life is under threat is a wide net indeed thus relying on the only test being whether the particular person viewing it determines it to be obscene which, given the breadth of moral opinion in our country, now renders prosecution to be a lottery rather than justice. Such is the case of “Miyake Sunglasses,” New York Feb 10 1955 by Irving Penn where the model is easily argued to be in danger of suffocation (as defined by the new law) and also the overall pose considered by most people to be sexual in nature. It then falls to the test of being obscene. The same is the case of a work by Joe McNally presented for review to Sussex Police under case reference 646/12 from two thousand and eight.

Taking the definition as...
1. Offensive to accepted standards of decency or modesty.
2. Inciting lustful feelings; lewd.
3. Repulsive; disgusting: "The way he writes about the disease that killed her is simply obscene" Michael Korda.
4. So large in amount as to be objectionable or outrageous: "local merchants in nearby stores get hammered by stratospheric rents and obscene taxes"
... opens the door wide for interpretation as t what succeeds or fails the test of the legislation.

There is no method of classifying what kind of force would result in serious harm. From a still image, it is impossible to calculate the force of a blow and it is also impossible to calculate the precise area where a blow could land. Also, there does not exist an expert in the field of what is likely to happen, or the actual direction of any implement. The courts are then in the impossible situation of having to discuss the merits of an act which might have taken place; this is far more tenuous than a picture of an act that actually has taken place.

Over zealous and incorrect law review has now left us in a position where the penalty for intercourse with an animal is substantially less than possession of a picture of that act. Certain proof that the issue has not been correctly addressed by the people responsible for this law.

So what is wrong with the way that the Police approach the situation? The Police, on seeing an item recur at a crime scene are duty bound to conclude that the item has something to do with the crime. In this case, pornographic materials. The fact that such materials exist in homes all over the country where crimes will never be enacted, misses them completely as they never see such material present in such environments.

The very position of the Police will put them at the opposite moral end of the spectrum to that of the criminal, and thus they would naturally call for stiffer moral guidance. Kent Police wanted to go further and also ban the written word. The Police need to be kept at arms length when laws are being considered in order to avoid straitjacketing our society in to an intolerable position; the so called Police State.

Can a law such as this justly be left in the legislature of this country? From my own personal point of view, our society needs less protection from sexual rapists and more from the kinds of people who think that laws like this should be not only created, but are of such import that they should be supported by incomplete and badly referenced reports (not even proper research but a report on other peoples research) and pushed through Parliament in the shortest time possible. Who do these people think they are that they should enable serious issues and laws to circumvent our Parliament in such a manner?

So how do we get around this; a BBFC for still pictures? Impossible, it would be innundated. The BBCF confirmed that they don't do stills, only films.

Further proof that this law has been thrown together (or else put together by people not responsible enough to do it) lies in the list of exemptions. What about the photographer? Not considered. What about a person who has such a picture of a loved one, either present or lost? Not considered. What about the potential for one part of a broken partnership to put the other ex-part in to seriously deep water? Not considered. All that and much more ... not considered. The MoJ haven't answered the points either. What was that about silence implying guilt?

The Internet is for...

2009-01-18T17:54:00.001Z

Protecting your data

2009-01-16T08:36:00.000Z

It seems obvious that when the police come to get their hands on your data, that you're going to be stuffed. Well, thanks to technology you have the chance to completely bugger them up.

Wireless technology is increasing all the time. It is not a simple matter, but perfectly feasable, to put a small Linux storage system in the garage, outhouse, even build a concrete section underneath a patio slab. With the AC to DC conversion happening in an electrically safe location, the DC power can be run out in a thin cable with no risk to life or limb should it be cut through. It can mean careful positioning of the wireless components, however. You could actually bury a cat 5 cable and get gigabit access to your storage with no problem whatsoever. Just ensure that there is adequate heat drain and there you go. In fact, with the ever increasing size of flash drives there isn't even the heat aspect to worry about any more - you could build the thing in to the brickwork of the house if you wanted and the idiot cops would have to literally tear down the house to find anything.

If you are even smarter and come to an arangement with your neighbours there is no reason why the storage devices actually have to be on your property at all. That means it can be with perfect visual sight of the coppers and they can't do anything about it, except go away and get another warrant, by which time you'd have moved the device.

This means that if you don't keep anything untoward directly on the devices on your office desk, you're sorted and the police will find nothing with which they can charge you.

You've also got the option of portable storage. a WD passport is a USB drive currently over 300gig which can easily be left almost anywhere; in the car, at work, at a friends house ... the days of the police searching a techies house for files, these days, is a waste of their time and the public purse.

Personally, I don't have anything that would upset the extreme porn law, although I know of people that do. That's one reason why I believe it is safe to stick my head above the parapet. However, Sussex Police have shot themselves in the foot because the picture I put forward for advice on in December last year (the 4th) still hasn't been responded to and if they decide to harass me, the perfect defence of not knowing is built in to the law; they would look like incompetent idiots in court. Also, an international press agency is watching the clarification request with interest, so we'll see what happens.

Ministry of Injustice

2008-12-27T22:09:00.001Z

Well, here we go again. A request to Sussex Police to pass judgement on a work of photography and whether or not the CJ&I part 5 applies to it, has so far exceeded three weeks for a response. I'll keep you up to date with the apparent lack of progress. Needless to say that some quarters of the press are now watching this episodes apparent lack of unfolding.

You can also take heart that should the MoJ send the boys and girls in blue to knock down your door and drag you off to court to answer for your artistic tastes, that the various Magistrate you appear in front of is likely to be more lenient to your cause after court and prision services are being ordered to make swathing cuts by the MoJ who have just spent a bleedin' fortune refurbing their own building. For your day in court, you are advised to wrap up warmly. One Magistrate is already letting people appear in their court wearing their outdoor clothes as it is so cold.

Prossecution idiocy

2008-12-26T10:03:00.000Z

Will someone kindly tell me why this kind of religious ceremony seems to be allowed and people the like of the Spanner crew get convicted for more than 4 years?

If there was any semblance of adherence to the law, Syed Mustafa Zaidi should have been facing more charges than just getting the children involved. If my understanding of our present law is correct, the zanjeer whip is classed as an offensive weapon and the part of the Ashura ceremony is illegal.

This bloke, Syed Mustafa Zaidi, injured himself, is convicted of forcing the inclusion of minors and gets a suspended sentence? What the hell is this politically correct world coming to?

Why does the law work with them and not with BDSM followers? Bullshit is my take on the authorities.

Heart crying blood

2008-12-25T15:55:00.000Z

What can I say? What can I do?

I parted from Master R because I needed what He could not give. At that last meeting I asked if I might once again be His slave. He answered yes. Yet He doesn't respond to my e-mails and I'm not on His Christmas Card list.

The empty feeling on my little finger feels ever so poigniently chilled as I am forced to re-evaluate what my relationship with Master R must have meant to Him. Despite His words when I last met with Him, I must now conclude that I will never know.

All I know, at the moment, is that it hurts. All I have of the story is my side, and my scant knowledge of His side seems to have turned to a fog.

Bettie Page leaves us, aged 85

2008-12-12T06:23:00.001Z

The sad news is here.

Bettie Page needs your prayers

2008-12-05T21:33:00.000Z

As one of a group of people receiving news about the one and only Bettie Page, i've just received news that she is in an intensive care unit. If you are so inclined, please remember her in your prayers.

Police state is already here

2008-11-11T16:33:00.000Z

It took me some time to consider what blog to make this entry on. Considering the increase of police overstepping their powers, i thought i'd post it here. Police vet live music, DJs for 'terror risk' as reported by The Register. These idiots have got to be stopped. That is, the police, not The Register.

CJ&Ip5

2008-11-07T12:32:00.000Z

A discussion about how the Criminal Justice and Immigration Act (part 5) will harm our societies development, increase the risk of personal attack and work towards the implementation of a police state in the United Kingdom

In order to understand the issue, it is necessary to return to the Obscene Publications Act which has been adjusted through various years and affected by other laws.

Although the law goes in to detail about the mechanisms and publication systems, the core value of the law is to ban anything which is likely to “deprave or corrupt.” My dictionary description of “deprave” is to morally corrupt. The definition of “Corrupt” is in this application something tainted with vice or sin.

This law basically comes down to an attempt to maintain the moral fabric of society; the rights and wrongs. It is intended to defend someone from being exposed to something which might bring them down from their pursuit of moral purity. The downside of this, of course, is that it treads on those who are not so morally pure by denying them the ability to access their own market for materials. There is also the growing problem that with our multicultural society there are a wide range of different morals and things from one culture can be deemed corrupting to another.

The definition of what was likely to deprave or corrupt then fell to the Crown Prosecution Service. Their current non-exhaustive list is ...

• sexual acts with children
• sexual assaults upon children
• portrayal of incest
• buggery with an animal
• rape
• drug taking
• flagellation
• torture with instruments
• bondage (especially where gags are used)
• dismemberment or graphic mutilation
• cannibalism
• activities involving perversion or degradation (such as drinking urine or smearing excreta on a person's body)

Some of those activities on the list are out of step with modern society and are in need of being reviewed...

a) Bondage has become a recognised and accepted sexual activity. Amazon.co.uk carries more than a thousand books on the subject and a good many DVDs. It is now included even in soap operas on television including making odd appearances on award winning medical dramas including Doc Martin. There are a good number of videos passed by the BBFC for UK consumption and are sold in UK shops and online resellers.

b) Flagellation is, again, a matured subject which has been opened for debate. Its abilities to trigger endorphin release as well as its historical and religious significance mean that this subject is far from taboo. Again, publications on the subject are even available on amazon.co.uk

c) Drug taking is in our media. The social explosion has led to the issue being tackled on mainstream television and no one has thought to bring anyone to book over the fact that someone who is not in to drugs could see such a scene and then be corrupted in to becoming a drug addict themselves.

d) Dismemberment or graphic mutilation. Given the violent material which is passed by the BBFC on a regular basis and shown on terrestrial television, it is incredible that this still remains on the guidance.

e) Torture with instruments; the same as d) above.

f) Rape has also appeared in films and our media. It is another well used drama plot. The degree of graphic detail is varied, however.

This shows how half of the current guidance on what is likely to deprave or corrupt is in need of review. This was coupled with accounts given to the Ministry of Justice concerning misuse of the OPA by police and customs and excise, where the laws had been used to harass businesses; some of whom had been found innocent by court but were still harassed on fresh charges, and others who came under a postcode lottery of justice. The MoJ sidestepped the issue by referring to the HMRC for complaint about seizure of goods; they did not want to answer the wider question of misuse of such legislation and that harassment by authorities can legally continue unchecked by those who don't have deep pockets to fight in the courts.

The CPS guidance is certainly very badly in need of review to reflect how our society has developed in the last fifty years.

To now come to the CJ&I bill, part five.

The bill was created under the emotional pressure of Ms Liz Longhurst who tragically lost her daughter to a violent attacker and Ms Longhurst used the emotional high ground to bully this section of the act in to existence. Few people will argue that strong emotion is not a good basis on which to ground law.

The cited claim of the MoJ is to make it illegal to own material which was already illegal to publish under the OPA.

The thrust of the legislation (outside bestiality and necrophilia) are ...
7. An image falls within this subsection if it portrays, in an explicit and realistic way, any of the following—
(a) an act which threatens a person’s life,
(b) an act which results, or is likely to result, in serious injury to a person’s anus, breasts or genitals,
... none of which is covered in the bullet points above for the CPS guidance notes. It is markedly different from the OPA.

Despite the examples supplied of misuse of powers, the MoJ are not concerned that they have given the authorities the ability to obtain warrants to enter the homes of anyone they can convince a magistrate to sign a warrant for. No longer to target the publishing house, but now individuals homes. The realistic Orwellian conclusion is that as I am authoring this report, does that raise enough suspicion in the mind of the reader that I might have this material myself? Does this make the suspicion enough to grant a warrant to raid my home, seize my computers and books? The upset that this would have on the neighbourhood, my own self, my family and those around me; even putting my job at risk ... all this to happen well before any court case can be brought and damage that, even after being pronounced innocent by a judge, would be near impossible to undo ... such is the nature of the human species. It seems of little concern to the MoJ of the consequences of handing this much power to officers or of the privacy concerns or the potential lowering of the standards of proof required to infringe on our liberties and cause untold damage to innocent people.

The definition of an image having to be produced for sexual arousal is badly flawed. It is possible for someone to take a picture of the Eiffel Tower in a way which will sexually arouse an objectophile, but the court has no way of detecting this. Also, to said objectophile, an image that the court considers to be for sexual arousal would not have that effect on the person being prosecuted; they would genuinely have the image in all innocence but would have no defence. There are many people for whom genuine works of artistic expression do not sexually excite them, but the door is open for the court to disagree; and the postcode lottery means that courts will be coming up with different conclusions, as was shown in the OPA prosecutions. This is surely not an acceptable state of affairs for British law?

There is also a problem with the definition that the image has to be reasonably assumed to have been produced solely or principally for sexual arousal. How can this be honestly and justly determined with only the image itself to be referenced? This risks moving our legal process from being an investigation of facts in to a circus of personal opinion and individual judgement after the fact.

There is also no way to officially certify still images to obtain exemption. Although the BBFC deals with films, there is no method of getting an image classified as a work of art. The BBFC replied, “The BBFC does not classify still images,” and offered no possible path for such classification. The MoJ have included in their definitions an act of suffocation. Where does that leave works like Miyake Sunglasses, New York Feb 10 1955 by Irving Penn ? What about Mapplethorpe's work which was openly on display, with others of its ilk, at The Barbican in January 2008 in an exhibition entitled "Seduced: Art & Sex from Antiquity to Now."? As there is no way to get works classified, the world of photographic art is having its artistic wings clipped. This is an infringement on freedom of expression. Again, no reliable answer from the MoJ on this aspect. What about pictures taken of classical works, especially those in other countries? No answer there, either.

This opens still photography of all ages as vulnerable to prosecution and investigation. There is no mechanism for exclusion through certification as exists for films. There now exists a minefield where no photographic artist dares tread. The law also specified any media, which includes magazines; far too wide a target.

Photography tells a story and especially where product placement is concerned. To quote Steve Bavister in his recent book, “... as we all know sex sells.” Various avenues of photography are sailing close to the wind and the fear of definition by the courts is very much felt. A picture taken for the advertisement of a Shakespeare play, for example, would be fine on the poster but when the picture is stood on its own, then where is the context? The picture has to stand on its own and be judged individually, remember, the testimony of others is not allowed (as it was/is allowed under the OPA) only the defences outlined by the bill.

A picture of someone taking drugs for an anti-drug campaign is already illegal under the OPA, but is it enforced? No. This is an example of how laws with loose definitions such as these are not actually serving our communities. Rather than become practical laws that guide us, they then become weapons that can be used by enforcement authorities at will.

That highlights the question once more ... when will this law actually be used? Its only use could be to prosecute someone who is in possession of material in the hope of catching them before they commit an act. In the case of child pornography, this is already illegal; in the case of violent adult pornography, it is making a judgement on someone that they would then enact a crime; guilty while being innocent; the reality version of Minority Report where criminals are caught before they commit any crime. The only other possible reason would be censorship. Neither option are justifiable or considered humane in our current social climate.

There was also concern about Kent Police force's wish to criminalise written material. It is an indication of the desires for stronger censorship in some areas and our society should be very much on its guard against the arguments of having nothing to fear if you have nothing to worry about, being used to erode the freedom of speech, thought and act.

The problem with involving the Police in situations like this is that they are polarised. Their knowledge and encountering of materials is within situations where a crime has already occurred and the presence of any such material automatically wrong foots their assumptions and conclusions. Although they would see scenes of crime with certain types of material is present, they would never encounter situations where materials are present but no crime has been committed, or is ever likely to be, therefore the viewpoint of the police has to be kept at arms length in the creation of law.

People have begun destroying collections. There is no way of discovering how much artistic legacy has been lost in the name of panic and the lack of publically available guidelines. The Police were originally only scheduled to get guidance a week or two before the law went live, this was uncovered when a group of individuals went in to a Birmingham police station to seek advice; there is no reference for people to take a guide from. One example of the many which show the lack of thought given to this law, its implementation and its effect. In other words, emotion driving the issue headlong...

There is exemption for people who are in a photograph, but makes no exemption for that persons family. There are people who have lost loved ones and have such photographs, but they are not exempt.

People who have been in relationships where this has been a theme of their relationship will have pictures of each other and this law makes it possible for bad blood to begin hideous action against each other for possessing such photographs taken when the relationship was happy; indeed as there is usually a stable dominant and a stable submissive, any such photographs are likely to portray one person in such poses and this is putting pressure on existing stable relationships. Is a person not entitled to their memories and physical reminder of such?

There is also no exemption for the photographer who has the legal copyright of such an image. What of the groups that get together for fun? What about images that do not contain a face? There are many questions on this line that were not even asked; not enough thought was given to this legislation and its effect on people who are entirely innocent of any intention of sexual crime whatsoever.

“(7) An image falls within this subsection if it portrays, in an explicit and realistic way, any of the following— “ is offensive to our freedoms. This has moved the boundary from the actual in to the fictional. No blow may even have landed. There are many works which are, “for the camera,” and while classified works on film such as horror movies are able to show gratuitous violence anyone outside these circles now have their freedom of expression curtailed; even if there was a method of classification, who knows how much it would cost? The MP's had a passage removed which classified the works as appearing to result; the section remained, “or is likely to result,” which has the same effect. Removing the, “appear to result,” has had little effect on the target of this law.

There is also no method of classifying what kind of force would result in serious harm. From a still image, it is impossible to calculate the force of a blow and it is also impossible to calculate the precise area where a blow could land. Also, there does not exist an expert in the field of what is likely to happen as there is typically no second image from which to take a reference point as to force being implemented, or the actual direction of any implement. This, again, highlights how the lack of definition could seriously upset a court room and cause a severe and unnecessary increase in costs to the state; something which should be born in mind when considering the wider aspect of the people likely to be brought before the courts ... indeed, the people who have been previously brought before the courts under the authority of the OPA. The truth is that no evidence of actual harm could be present in the photograph, but that is of no matter if the act is, “likely to result”.

There is no exemption for works which are in the process of being completed and no guidance for registering such works or component parts of a work in creation; filming of various projects including horror films is now more difficult in the UK and there are discussions about how such material is kept and who with. There is no exemption for individuals who are in the process of working on something that has yet to be classified and will therefore automatically have images and scenes that are not even close to being in their intended context. But surely they are not works which are manufacture red for sexual arousal and are therefore not pornographic ... right? Wrong. It is up to the court to judge every image or work on its own merits. Films are shot in all sorts of little pieces and people are getting very worried because again it lays them as a target for police; it is up to a court to view material and decide whether or not it was shot for sexual gratification; the OPA allowed circumstances to be taken in to account, but not the CJ&Ip5 where the only defences are not knowing that you had it or not keeping hold of it for an unreasonable time or were actually in it.

Oh no, will come the response, the Police would never target such an endeavour. This is yet another stark example how this law is not valid as a law to guide our morals; it is yet another example of handing the Police a weapon for them to use at will on whichever target they desire. Another example that this is not a just law that deserves to be on our statute books.

The Crown Prosecution Service have been asked to review the guidance notes for the OPA and although this could take time, if this happens then this new law will be out on a limb seeming even more out of touch; either that or they will have to acknowledge that it didn't have any connection to the original OPA and that will further show up the censorship intentions of the MoJ. The cart has gone before the horse.

The assumption is that this law will save lives. I have asked the MoJ for details of even one life that would have been saved, past or future, by this law. This question has been asked three times, very pointedly, and the MoJ have no answer. This shows that this law was brought in with no real thought as to how it would save life, indeed it can not save any lives it can only persecute those which the authorities desire.

This brings us to the only solid piece of evidence provided by the MoJ; the REA (Rapid Evidence Assessment) which was, in its terms of reference, missing the all important question of what effect the presence or absence of pornography has on our society. It also failed to address the fact that if a person does not like what they are seeing, they are free to turn away; those students in the experiments, were not so free and it was a foregone conclusion that they would be affected as they were, especially given that they were male students at key times in their lives. A comment on the inclusion of such a social sector on research was made by the Society for Social Work and Research in their January 2007 report Bridging Disciplinary Boundaries, “However, much of the work in this area has been conducted with college students and in psychology lab situations. Therefore, the research results may not pertain to sexual abusers, adolescents, or real life experiences. “

It would be interesting to bring up to date studies like Kutchinsky B's 1991 report from the Institute of Criminal Science, University of Copenhagen, Denmark entitled, “Pornography and rape: theory and practice? Evidence from crime data in four countries where pornography is easily available.”, where it was clearly stated ... “The development of rape and attempted rape during the period 1964-1984 was studied in four countries: the U.S.A., Denmark, Sweden and West Germany. In all four countries there is clear and undisputed evidence that during this period the availability of various forms of pictorial pornography including violent/dominant varieties (in the form of picture magazines, and films/videos used at home or shown in arcades or cinemas) has developed from extreme scarcity to relative abundance. If (violent) pornography causes rape, this exceptional development in the availability of (violent) pornography should definitely somehow influence the rape statistics. Since, however, the rape figures could not simply be expected to remain steady during the period in question (when it is well known that most other crimes increased considerably), the development of rape rates was compared with that of non-sexual violent offences and nonviolent sexual offences (in so far as available statistics permitted). The results showed that in none of the countries did rape increase more than nonsexual violent crimes. This finding in itself would seem sufficient to discard the hypothesis that pornography causes rape. “

Pornography acts as an anonymous safety valve. Take away that valve and people who would previously be sated, will have no further avenue to take out their frustrations. The net result is higher attack rates against individuals. The counter argument is that it is viewing such material that makes people want to commit these acts. The MoJ acknowledge that this is a very contentious area, but has chosen to legislate in this environment and likely increase the number of violent sexually motivated attacks in to our society instead of holding the status quo while much needed in depth research is carried out.

Most people will look at the two statements of common sense and believe that the former is the stronger; more in favour that if reduction of violent crime was the aim, then part five should not have been passed; more research should have been done.

The safety valve is also further supported by the argument that people are born with these tendencies and that they need help dealing with them. If the book, “Diary of an on-call girl” is to be believed then there are foundations in the UK that are looking after children under the age of sixteen that have not only been the victim of sexual attacks, but have also perpetrated them.

More compelling was the account from London Ambulance Service personnel Mr Brian Kellett, writing under the name of Tom Reynolds in the book, “Blood, Sweat and Tea.”...

“Imagine, if you will, getting sent to a job where a 15-year old boy is threatening suicide. You turn up at the address and discover that it is a care home. Meeting with one of his carers she hands you a list of the boy's medications and it reads like a, “Who's Who” of psychiatric drugs. You talk to the boy and he seems calm, collected and very polite. He explains that he wants to jump out of a window and kill himself, and agrees that he would like to go to hospital. You take him in to the paediatric department of a local hospital. As this does not feel like the normal, “Teenager wants to kill themselves” you have a chat wit the children's nurse and you ask them to let you know what happens to the patient. You leave and continue with your shift. The next day you ask the children's nurse about the patient and she tells you, “The boy wanted to die because he wants to have sex with, and kill small children – and that he knows that it is wrong.

I hate paedophiles as much as any other member of society, but in front of me that day, I saw a victim.”

In answer to this point, the Ministry of Justice put forward the site stopitnow.org.uk – everything I saw on that site was geared to the victims of abuse; nothing was present to help prevent those with urges to abuse, control themselves and thus prevent attacks. It is yet more proof that this issue is nowhere near straightforward as people believe and that much more research is needed before sating materials are made illegal. Indeed, laws like this are putting people who have such impulses in further risk of having to act them out as there is no other avenue open to them.

One response from the Change for Children Trust was not encouraging, “Potential abusers can go to the Stop It Now helpline, the Probation Service or their own doctor. There is not much available but the above particularly the helpline are very effective. Money is short for those who have abused and need rehabilitation, so in my experience there is even less for potential abusers. Chemical castration I think is not used as it has very little helpful effect, but my knowledge is not up to date - you need a medical research person or internet search for that.”

In addition to this is the important and completely overlooked fact that sexual violence does not need to be triggered by sexually violent pornography and that rapists according to Barbaree, Seto, Serin, Amos and Preston's report in 1994, “Comparisons Between Sexual and Nonsexual Rapist Subtypes” non-sexual rapists are more violent when they attack and leave, “greater victim damage.” and that, “the men in the sexual subtypes were more socially isolated at the time of the offense.” Faced with reports of this nature it leads one to conclude that if the primary goal is to stop violent rapes, instead of prosecuting the sexual subtypes, we need to ensure that they do not become socially isolated; we need to ensure adequate support is present for them. As to how we stop the non-sexual subtypes, with so much violent material now at the heart of our society, the question has to be asked if we ever stand a chance of prevention in this area.

The conclusion is that part five of the Criminal Justice and Immigration bill serves no useful purpose, will not save any lives, makes criminals out of sections of the population, stifles the creation of art in certain areas and if the balance of belief is to be taken on the, “nature,” debate of abusers, then it will place the women of this country at greater risk of attack. The MoJ knew the contentious issues of current research before its introduction but chose to ignore these and took a choice which has a strong potential to increase the risk of attacks against women. Despite knowing this, the MoJ still plan to hand this part of the bill to the Police in January 2009 who, with the history of their enforcement of the OPA behind them, could take it upon themselves to cleanse our society of whomever they see as inappropriate types of people. While there are forces such as Kent Police with a wish to criminalise written material, there is grounds for significant fear in the general BDSM population and also justifiable reason for women to be more concerned about walking our streets.

The motivations of the Ministry of Justice and the precise nature, strength and depth of their enquiries should be thoroughly questioned on this matter. This country needs a solid foundation of scientific evidence before going forward with such contentious laws and handing increasing powers of invasion of privacy, without sufficient evidence, to our police.

All this has crept in under the guise of appealing to the simple rights and wrongs but, in our modern society, these issues are recognised as not being as straightforward as they are painted.

Birthday tied

2008-10-18T07:11:00.000+01:00

Well, it had been a few months of being unowned, and i was camping in a tent with Master Mark, taking photos. It also happened to be my birthday, so Master Mark treated me to a bit of birthday bondage. The pictures are here and i can tell you, it wasn't done for the camera ... although one happened to be on hand to capture the event! i was exhausted at the end of it.

Otherwise, life remains quiet. i'm still looking for a new Master, although i've gone in to low gear. The amount of lunatics on the boards now have increased and i think i'll revert to the more traditional methods ... people who know people. It is a much longer path, but was how i came to be owned by Master Charles ... and people who know me, know how deeply honored i feel at being owned by Him.

So there is doubtless going to be relatively little to report on in here. i still absent mindedly feel for a ring on my little finger which isn't there any more. Sometimes it moves me close to tears. Master R hasn't responded to any correspondence at all, and that is heart breaking. i know He's busy but ... good grief.

Still ... life goes on and i'm getting geared up for portable lighting, even mains strobe units that can light up the darkest of dungeons and paint them whatever colour i want. Mwwwahahahahaaaaa. i'm shooting someone i know in a few weeks and he is edging towards going nude; see what he decides on the day as he knows nothing flaps me these days. Got to study up my posing instructions.

Nothing has changed

2008-09-28T20:04:00.000+01:00

Nothing has really changed. The situation is, as it was before, with no further response from Master R. That fact alone depresses me as it lends me to lower my estimation of what i meant to Him, and that upsets me.

i don't know what to make of my feelings. On the one hand, BDSM activity has been sparse while, on the other, a very few odd little things are still firing senses within me. This Asylum Mask from Madame S, for example, is lightly stiring something in the back of my mind.

i've conluded that i've just got to give myself time. Time to get over what has been, and time to build up the strength to venture forth again. i know that if BDSM is in your blood, it can never be removed, but it doesn't feel like it when you're in a position of limbo. However i am aware that those feelings are still there ... and it is only a matter of time. Patience is a virtue.

Waiting

2008-09-07T08:33:00.000+01:00

i can't believe the impact that the absence of the ring is having on me. Life has gone tits up and there is no response from Master R to the simple question i've asked of Him. The search has gone west big style because of the number of people out there who just don't get it. Still, i have to press on.

i am in charge of myself and although i'm not liking it, i have to just get on with it. Substituting the loss and the emotional hole is done by keeping myself busy. The photography is starting to come good and probably at the start of next year i'll be able to start calling myself a photographer. i've got prety much all the portable studio equipment i need but my practice has been fairly slow paced, although i'm working on upping the time practicing and the theory is starting to sit well between my ears. i'll have to wait until i've recovered financially to be able to go to places and do sessions ... it'll certainly keep me busy.

Counselling (paid for by work, they've been very understanding over this) has gone so far, and the counsellor is confident that i'm not just going to jump in to bed with any Master who comes along and commands me to my knees ... there will have to be a good and honest chance of a long term and positive relationship before i submit, and to that degree they are confident that i'm quite safe and not in danger of emotionally screwing myself up.

... so ... there is still hope for me yet.

A small step forward

2008-08-28T13:03:00.000+01:00

I wrote to the CPS some time ago with arguments for having various sections of the guidance for the Obscene Prosecution Act removed considering how the attitudes of society have progressed since the act was created fifty years ago.

I have received a letter stating that my arguments will be considered during the next consideration of the CPS's guidance in October.

Cross your fingers and lets see what happens.

Am I switching off?

2008-08-27T22:00:00.000+01:00

i'm not sure what's happening to me. i've got a feeling that i know why ... lack of activity, lack of involvement, lack of fun ... i mean ... i'm not even forty and i'm feeling like a toy left on the shelf. i feel like i should go get my slippers and put my feet up in front of the TV until the reaper decides it's time to move on.

Is this all i am? Is this all i'm worth? Is this all i mean to anybody? i'm a transsexual; that's enough to keep anyone well away from me. Time to wake up. There is no knight in shining armour for this worthless wench. God ... do me a favour ... shoot me now.

Our Home Secretary is an idiot...

2008-08-20T08:32:00.001+01:00

Here we go again. I listened to our Home Secretary on TV this morning and she was in true politico speak flow. Some of the sentances she said didn't even make sense; she said that she wasn't going to apologise for having one of the toughest child offender laws in this country. That said to me she's switched off the subject and is pushing politics.

The problem with removing someones passport is that it is an infringement of rights. It is up to the receiving country to say, "We don't want you." Not only that, there is nothing that stops non-national offenders from coming to THIS country. All this does is concentrate the sex offenders within our own borders and put our own children at hightened risk. Idiocy of the highest proportions, yet again. WHO is responsible for what is coming out of the Home Office these days?

I have previously quoted Mr Brian Kellett, writing under the name of Tom Reynolds in the book, “Blood, Sweat and Tea.”...

“Imagine, if you will, getting sent to a job where a 15-year old boy is threatening suicide. You turn up at the address and discover that it is a care home. Meeting with one of his carers she hands you a list of the boy's medications and it reads like a, “Who's Who” of psychiatric drugs. You talk to the boy and he seems calm, collected and very polite. He explains that he wants to jump out of a window and kill himself, and agrees that he would like to go to hospital. You take him in to the paediatric department of a local hospital. As this does not feel like the normal, “Teenager wants to kill themselves” you have a chat wit the children's nurse and you ask them to let you know what happens to the patient. You leave and continue with your shift. The next day you ask the children's nurse about the patient and she tells you, “The boy wanted to die because he wants to have sex with, and kill small children – and that he knows that it is wrong.

I hate paedophiles as much as any other member of society, but in front of me that day, I saw a victim.”

... punishment is getting harder, but where is there an actual route and research towards stopping the drives of sex offenders to be attracted to child offending? I'm transsexual, and I know there is no, "cure," ... I have walked in the psychiatric wards where the walls bear the marks of the electrocution equiment that was supposed to cure us ... it couldn't work ... it didn't work ... but there were other ways. I live a good life, have a job, support my household and work artistically ... why isn't our government working towards a method of giving these people avenues of control which doesn't involve actual abuse of children?

Our society is pathetically hell bent on persecution ... just line the offenders up against the wall and give them a good stoning ... that seems to be all that is on our democratic, intellectually advanced, socially progressive minds.

Odd people...

2008-08-16T16:23:00.000+01:00

One of the things i've had to do a few times now on IC is tear a supposed Master off a strip or three. You know the type, they order you around as if they already owned you and started coming on heavy, demanding that you fulfil their every whim regardless of how it might affect others who have an interest, or even the other people immediately around you who definatley haven't and wouldn't want any interest in the events.

Well, i've now encountered another twist with one of them. After things getting heated only two weeks prior, He tried to contact me again seemingly having forgotten the discussion only a fortnight prior. What IS on some peoples minds?

Buying a car

2008-08-13T20:59:00.001+01:00

The meeting last night went as well as i could have expected. A solid man with purpose, a good deal of life under His belt, driven and focussed. He made a good point about the process of meeting people, however. It felt as if He was buying a car.

There isn't a lot that i can say about the process of vanilla meeting beyond that it is a required test to see if personalities click or not. Call it mechanical, call it unfeeling, even, but at some point a meeting has to take place and what better way to talk about things than face to face. Much quicker than going back and forth over a chat system.

From my side, it is a necessary effort and worth going through the barrier of awkward feelings, as well as putting up the time and the fuel costs. Sometimes it can also act as a protection against the people who have no intention of actually making good on their promises and chat. More than once have i been left in a service station to sample the late evening coffee alone. It has, however, saved me considerable wasted time in chatting on various systems and made more time available for those who are serious in their intentions. Yes, i do mean considerable wasted time ... it is often the most ingenuous who will make considerable demands on someones time once they have got them hooked.

There are plenty of people who are more than willing to waste my time; many who get a kick out of stringing me along ... well i've got news for those people ... you won't get much stringing out of me ... you'll have to put up, or shut up; giving myself to someone for the long term is a serious business and i'm damned if i'm going to treat the issue lightly.

Dragging my feet also isn't fair to other people who have come forward and are as anxious to progress as others are to take their time. Whatever i do, or don't do, i can't win, so aproaching the subject of a meeting has to be through a mechanism that may well appear unfeeling and impersonal ... but that is the whole point; to see if anything personal comes from it. It may seem harsh and unfeeling ... but have faith...

Another meeting

2008-08-12T08:39:00.000+01:00

Well, i've got another meeting tonight with a potential Dominant. To be honest, i'm in such a state at the moment that i'm not sure what He'll think of me. i've done the usual safe call set up and everything is in place. Wish me luck.

The progress of the search

2008-08-07T21:30:00.000+01:00

So how is the search for a new Master going? Well, to be honest, it is going rather oddly.

Of all the services, i have to admit to only using Informed Consent. i was in on Alt when it started up and it was a great little chat/forum area which gained a good reputation, which all went West when they started charging and things got restrictive. The argument that these things cost is certainly one to consider, but when you think about how long IC has been running and the people that were on it a few years ago ... it is a tribute to them that they have kept the service running without charging.

With regards the search itself, there has been a considerably higher number of Dominants who haven't really got a clue this time around. They don't know what the meaning of the word, "respect," is and don't generally think about things beyond the scene play ... excuse me, this is a life partnership we're talking about here! There is still a core of people, however, who know what the score is and are down to earth and honest about the whole thing.

There is still a considerable number who haven't read my profile properly and suddenly stopped contacting when they learned that i'm transsexual. i don't mind too much; it just proves how much they are interested in the photos rather than the detail.

Last time i had been stood up in service stations and the like, which proves the importance of being careful; using vanilla meets and the safe call system.

Well there is a good chance that i'll be turing up at one of the Brighton munches on the 24th so if you happen to be at the same munch (blackandblue) then there is a good chance you'll bump in to me there and, as i'm only a lowely local government worker, you can buy me an anaesthetic pint of cider to commiserate my decollaring and help me forget the pain; temporarily at least!

Farewell, dear catsuit

2008-08-05T22:44:00.000+01:00

This is me in the last pictures of my Phaze cat suit. After the shoot, the sun managed to completely melt the upper part of the body. Fifty quids worth, wrecked so easily. Still, i have the memories that Mark Varley shot of me. Keep an eye on the real bondage web site and i'll have more of these up there once i've got the time to work through the pictures.

Decollared from Master R

2008-08-04T14:12:00.000+01:00

How can i explain how i feel? Depressed ... very depressed.

A decollaring is effectively finishing the relationship, and i was decollared from Master R last Saturday. As with the ending of all relationships, the end was seen coming. No ones life stays the same and, for someone like me who doesn't have the option to move in with any particular Dominant or have them move in with me, there is always the chance that their life will change and because their change doesn't carry me in on the tide, i'm left stranded in the ocean while they're beached. End result, it's game over for the relationship.

It's not as if i didn't hang on in there; after the change in Master R's working life, i treaded water for one and a half years; but i have my needs too and He couldn't meet them, so finally with no further change in sight, that was the end of it. When i handed back His ring, i had planned to say, "This ring represents the part of my heart which will always belong to You." but i bottled it; i was close enough to tears as it was and i started to flood after leaving His home.

my ship is floating on the sea of life, no anchor to hold me fast. my emotions are tossing and turning with the waves and i'm a complete and utter mess, so don't expect any thoughtful insights in to life as a submissive/slave from this quarter for a while.

i have friends around me, and very good ones too, but for the record it doesn't do to let a friend become a Master (or Mistress) unless something magic happens ... you know the sort of thing i mean.

For the record, Master R was kind and gentle for the decollaring. He made me a cup of tea and we chatted for a bit; i had questions that i almost clinically needed answers to, so i asked them. However there was a limit to my welcome and i was, "put out on the street," after a comfortable time; He had things to do. He was very kind through the experience ... but even so, endings are always painful, and i still hurt like hell.

Respect - or the lack of it

2008-08-01T14:24:00.000+01:00

If there is one thing that i can never really get over, it is the complete lack of respect that some blokes out there seem to have. Fortunately for my search for a new Master, i am happy to report that it is not all; but the number of complete prats out there seems to have risen since i last searched a few years ago.

There is an old saying that there are many Masters, but few who can Master. It seems to become ever truer as time goes on.

What i'm talking about are the people who start barking orders at a slave/sub that they don't own. What planet they are on, i don't know, but it certainly isn't Earth. Perhaps it is Gor?

These people are on a similar scale of stupidity as the blokes that think that i really find pictures of their dick interesting. i mean, if i started obeyong all the orders that different Dominants were trying to give me, i'd probably have one foot at the back of my head while dressed simultaniously in a skirt and touser suit with black AND white underwear on and still trying to be naked, telephoning six people at once and whistling Dixie while kneeling in four different slave positions. It just ain't gonna happen, people.

Let's face it, i'm looking for a long term partnership and there is a hell of a lot more to a D/s relationship than me spending my time kneeling on the floor of Your dungeon sucking Your dick. If You can't see beyond that, then i'm certainly not the kind of submissive who is going to obey YOUR orders.

If You want THIS sub/slave at Your feet then You're going to have to work; just like any Dominant should; and show me that You are fully capable of taking care of me, of praising me when i've done right as well as punishing me when i've done wrong. Yeh, dude, You might be the best thing since Harrison Ford with a bull whip, but You'd better also be at least as good at hugging as a big, cuddly, fairground bear, and Your words of wisdom to guide me through the dark valley of life will need to sound as if they are fresh from Ghandi's mouth.

i'm not just looking for someone who can aim a cane straight ... i'm looking for someone with a touch as gentle as satin, to lift my heart and give it a reason to live ... with a mind as strong as steel to keep my mind focussed on the tasks in hand ... with a soul deep enough to give me a reason to live for You ... with a touch so caring and warm as to hold me close and wipe away the tears from my eyes as i cry from the journey of pleasure, pain, torture and trust that You've taken me on ... with a voice so honest and true that, after i've walked the hot coals to hell and back on Your order, that when You say that i've made You proud, that i know You really mean it.

For me to kneel at Your feet, You have to be more than a Master ... You have to be someone who can Master.

Starting again...

2008-07-28T13:22:00.001+01:00

I've been called to Master this weekend to, "complete the formalities." I read that as shorthand for, it isn't working, best to go our own ways.

It's fair enough. His working life has switched to involve a lot of travelling which has combined with my own moving in to a new home to mean i haven't seen that much of Him these last few months. However He also has a strong hobby and that takes much of his holiday time. So ... not much time for Him to learn my life, set a few rules and enforce them. At the end of the day, this part of things isn't that high up His priority list ... and without that structure, i'm falling apart. i tried to wait for Him, but after a little over a year and a half, i'm crumbling towards depression and self destruction again and there is no sign that Master's situation will change, so that brings everything to an end, leaving only the formalities to be completed.

In amongst other difficulties, work have funded a few counselling sessions for me, so i'm not totally without support, but i'm certainly hurting and feeling very down.

i have already begun adverts on the usual channels, having changed the wording appropriately. Who knows what will happen, but i hold out no hopes; i daren't dream any dreams; it is once more an existance of one day at a time for me now.

England health history

2008-07-23T19:25:00.000+01:00

Well, I've just has the result back in from the FOI request made to England. Most of the statistics are actually available for public view. Spurred on from the Scots response, I looked for the codes F65.5, Eu655, E22y2, E22y3 and E21y6 in the sheets.

The public data listed here on the HSE web site - and I am sad to report six occurances under F65.5...

In 1998-9 three men, two aged between 15-59 and one aged between 60-74 caused 157 bed days between them. They were all admitted as emergencies.

In 2000-1 one man between the age of 15-59 was admitted as an emergency and caused 10 bed days.

In 2001-2 two women between the ages of 15-59 were admitted as emergencies and ramped up four days between them.

To be honest, when you look at some of the other totals, this isn't actually very bad. Wales next.

Scotland, 10 year clean bill of BDSM health

2008-07-09T22:43:00.001+01:00

I put in an FOI request about various requests made of the UK health service as a result of BDSM activities. The results came back, "there have been no cases where the INternaiton Classification of Diseses code for Sadomasochism (code F65.5) have been recorded since April 1997. We also examined our Practice Team Information database which contains information for the last four years on the reasons why patients in Scotland contact their General Practice. There are several codes which may identify the type of incident specified in your request (Read codes - Eu655 Masochism, E22y2 Sexual masochism, E22y3 Sexual sadism and E21y6 Masochistic personalisy disorder) however there were no instances where these codes have been recorded."

Basically, congratulations Scotland lifestylers on a sterling record of safe play.

The Pet - Finishing the film

2008-07-07T20:43:00.000+01:00

I am a bit dubious about the creative mind behind this film. Stevens' claims on the jacket and the start of the film seem odd. He claims millions of people in slavery, more than at any time in history, and the jacket claims the lifestyle to be underground, painting it as shocking. That seemed to me, to be the mind of someone who did not have much knowledge of the civilised scene that I know, where the word, "respect," feeds so much of our actions and thoughts.

The locations and the cinematography are quite something. Across the board from the luxury home right down to the dog kennels and the market place, it really got the angles right. The props were also well made and visually appealing. The focus on the pyramidial cage was a good signature, well chosen and it will probably live on long as a unique defining fingerprint.

The acting was wooden and very individualistic; the actors characters didn't interact well on a non-verbal level. It could have benefited from a much more natural attitude. In terms of the writing, it was hard and blunt. Looking at what little of Steve's career and credit list I can find, I can see why this might have been the case as, although a very skilled photographer, most of the subjects he seems to deal with are raw and tough. He has seen the side of unwilling slavery; the realities of human trafficking that are still present in the world that many lifestylers would rather not exist.

The dialogue needed a good injection of emotion; perhaps one might say, the woman's touch. Also, the progression of many of the interpersional sequences was unrealistically blunt and wrong footed. The film did settle down but the wooden acting never did leave and some of the concepts just didn't hold water when brought in to a fiction scenario which merged lifestyle and reality.

The fighting sequences were poorly choreographed and acted, relying on visual effects, editing and music to add the power that the acting lacked. Heightened conflict was poorly handled.

As a piece of entertainment that offers the uninitiated a glimpse in to the world of the lifestyler, it does not score very high. As a reminder to lifestylers that there is a gruesome world out there and that care must be taken when giving that all important gift of submission ... it scores highly.

Review - The Pet

2008-07-07T20:10:00.000+01:00

I had already read many reviews about this film and they were all bad. It was because I am planning my own film; the script ready to off to a checking service; that I felt the need to watch this film. I therefore went for the special edition so I could access all the behind the scenes footage, interviews and everything else.

So far, the reviews have not let me down. My heart aches that they had this wonderful opportunity and it all went to the board. Maybe acting really is like this in the US; maybe people over there are really so unconnected with the film that they let seriously big gaps pass. If I make these mistakes with my own project, then somebody shoot me, please.

I got as far as the two talking over sushi and I had to stop the film. It was hurting me to watch it. The whole thing felt rushed, that included both the scene links, the dialogue and even the actors. Some of these people and the situations are so unbelievable, it is unreal. I could feel myself rewriting the dialogue in my head as it was playing. Perhaps I'll return to it later tonight.