I want to be young again

Youth. Attractiveness. Lately, my larger-than-it-should-be figure hasn't been winning any admirers and i feel like i'm left on the shelf.

Dating is a game for the beautiful people; either that or for those with a LOT of patience and determination. Well, those latter two i only use when i have to, so i'm going to turn back the hands of time; i'm going to tear off the face of the clock and wrench those damn hands to where i want them. Old father time is going to have his beard pulled ... big style.

i was photo-shooting last weekend with some good friends and also a model. (who also seems to be turning in to a good friend ... i certainly like her very much as a person ... but i digress) At one point said model was sitting with me in my office and looking through the photos of times past. i was congratulated on my looks. Then i downloaded the contents of my camera; it had been used to shoot a session of me being tied. i caught a few with my stomach in and it looked large. Then i clocked a killer picture; i mean one that nearly stopped my heart i was so damn ugly. Even though i've been to the gym for a couple of months now, i STILL looked like THAT?!

That did it.

my food intake has been cut and reviewed. i have tubs of, "NOS fusion," "CLA," and, "Glucosamine Sulphate," on the way. Yeh, i couldn't pronounce that either so i had to spell it down the phone.

i'm very fortunate. As part of my union duties, i've helped a few people out in the leisure centres. What you sow, so shall ye reap, so i've got some prety good people on my side to help me do battle.

NOS Fusion is simply an energy drink. Quaff some shortly before exercise and it gives you more power to burn off more calories.

CLA is a fat loss tablet. i'm going on a course of two weeks worth and see what happens. i'll report later. It mostly presents fat to the ... whatever they called the organ ... something beginning with m ... for it to turn the fat in to energy. Fact or fiction? Seems to be fact, but as to how effective it is, at nearly £22 for a fortnights course i want to see the fat starting to walk away across the floor on its own two legs. It isn't a long term thing, just something to kick start my enthusiasm; i don't want to get hooked on those puppies.

Glucosamine Sulphate helps aleviate the creaky knees. Everyone i've talked with about it has said it really does help with arthritis as it helps the body repair worn cartiledge. Take a months worth and see what happens.

So, you see that i'm not exactly taking any of this muscle building stuff; it's more the sort of sensible body support thingies. i've got no intention of turning in to a muscle bound fitness junkie.

i want my elbows to touch behind my back again. i want to be able to do inverted suspension without a 7 ton crane. i want people to want me for what i am on the outside ... because i want it to match the inside that so many people have said i am.

Damn it ... i'm not going to fight nature with a surgeons blade; i've had enough of that thank you ... but i'll be damned if i'm going to go down without a fight.